


Earthbound Misfit

by Raiven_Raine



Series: Hard Luck [1]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Angst, Backstory, Camaraderie, Character Development, Explicit Language, Family Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Light Angst, Military, OC backstory, Original Character Death(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Underage Drinking, aerophilia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2018-07-26 16:18:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 34,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7581232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raiven_Raine/pseuds/Raiven_Raine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>--backstory about OC Lancer Lucci, A.K.A. Lucky--</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jessica was seven years old when she fell head over heels in love... With the heart-pounding rapture of flight. The very moment the vertibird came to life around her, she knew what she wanted. All she ever desired was to taste the freedom only birds knew. </p><p>When she was ten years old, Jessica made a decision that would change her life forever... And she will fight for it, overcome struggles, and defy limitations to make her dream come true.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Only the Birds...

  
  
  


  
_“Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.”_  
― Leonardo da Vinci

 

**_\-- Quod caelum sit in te --  
\-- That heaven is within you --_ **

 

 

###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

“Jessica Ginevra Lucci! Get down from there!”

Jessy flinched as she heard her mother yelling from the ground below. Mom had used her full name… _She was in so much trouble._ Her hands tightened on the metal of the old pylon and she glanced skyward. It’s not like she was very high up. She never made it very far. Today had been a personal record… thirty feet, maybe. 

She could see over the tops of trees. Over rooftops. Over everything. _What would it be like from even higher?_ Eyes fixed on the sky, Jessy pulled herself slowly upward another two feet. 

“Don’t you _dare!_ Get down here!” Her mom was so mad. “Joey! Go get your sister!”

 _Dang._ Jessy sighed and hugged the vertical steel support next to her. Once Joey was sent after her, the climb was done for the day… Probably the entire week since she’d be grounded for almost _ever._ A week stuck in the house pretty much felt like forever, anyway.

He pulled himself up next to her and put an arm around her small waist. “You’re gunna give mom a fucking heart-attack, Jess.” 

“Sorry…” She glanced up briefly, “I just wanna see what it’s like up there.”

“How bout I take you for a ride in a vertibird?” He smiled.

“Really?! Yes!” Jess bounced excitedly on the metal and he tightened his grip around her.

“Okay… But you gotta promise to stay off the pylon.” He raised an eyebrow.

“Yup!” Releasing her grip with one hand, she gave her brother a hug before carefully climbing back down with him.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - -**

Months had passed before Jessica got to go visit her brother at the base. She’d been there once before, back when Joey was still an apprentice. _She loved it._ The soldiers in power armor inspired a sense of awe and seeing them gave her goosebumps every time.

But the vertibirds… _Those were amazing._

She’d been in them before, but Joey wasn’t allowed to leave the ground with her. He’d land in the field with some other higher ranking Knight with him and that other person would always put a quick end to her begging. Those guys had some sort of cute kid puppydog-eye repellant or something. _It wasn’t fair._

But now he had his own bird. Also, something about paperwork, regulations and permission… But whatever, she got to go for a ride! _Finally!_

Jessica stood on the airfield and stared at the aircraft out in front of her while a higher ranking Knight rambled on endlessly to her brother about rules or some such. _Don’t do that, don’t do this, you can’t do all these things, don’t have any fun and remain serious at all times._ Something like that. 

A kid approached them with some gear and he stood quietly until the Emperor of Rules and Regulations finished talking. Well, he was a kid, but probably like eight years older than she was. The Emperor stood with his arms crossed as he watched Joey take a vest from the boy and help Jessy into it. 

“That’s the smallest we have.” The Emperor laughed as Jessica held her arms out and glanced down at herself. 

It was too big for her tiny frame, but it stayed on alright. On top of being short for her age, Jessy was also ridiculously skinny. Joey plopped the helmet on her head, which fit better, and she grinned up at him as he rapped his knuckles against it. _It was a kid-sized version of his own gear._

“Kay, can we go now?” Jessy quietly asked him as she tried to hold down her excitement. She didn’t want to appear too eager, they’d never let her go anywhere if she started hopping around like a crow in a room full of shiny. Stay professional. What was the word? _Decorum._ Show some decorum.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - -**

After the most boring pre-flight inspection ever, Joey let her turn the vertibird on and she nearly died from excitement as the switch made a satisfying click beneath her finger and the rotors kicked on. That sound was soul gripping and brought her entire body to life. Her heart raced as she felt the vibration of the aircraft all around her.

The bird was a living thing and the sound of those rotors was like the metal beast had just woke up and took a breath. 

She could feel the very second the wheels left the ground. Felt the lift. The sudden weightlessness as if she were the bird itself. 

Jessy leaned to the side of her seat and stared out the window as the ground fell away. All the people below shrunk, even the Knights in their huge power armor. She watched her parents turn into tiny little mouse-sized dots as they watched with a great deal of apprehension. _Insignificant._ Everything below became insignificant as they ascended into the sky. The people, the base, the entire earth. All ties cut. This was the freedom only birds knew. 

Sitting her between his knees on the edge of his seat, Joey showed her how to tilt the wings and let her do it. _One of the bajillion things the Emperor had told him not to do._ She could feel them move. He chuckled quietly as she gasped. 

He let her take the stick and Jessy didn’t even hesitate. She asked about a million questions and listened intently as he explained everything to her. Even when he talked complicated physics, she drank it all in. This was something that fascinated Jessica. 

She tilted the bird to the side so she could see the ground below. “How high can it go?”

“Bout twenty-five thousand feet…” Joey put a hand over hers and held her in place before she pitched too far.

“Can we?” She couldn’t put the number into a visual. _What did that height look like?_ She couldn't even imagine it. 

He took his hand from hers. “Go for it.” 

_...So that’s what twenty-five thousand feet looked like._

Jessy could see the tops of clouds. The tops! Of _clouds!_ The topside of a cloud didn’t look like the bottom, or even the side. Her brain had been confused about being above the clouds and it made everything seem so weird. It was indescribable. And the ground! Buildings that were once enormous were now just strange bumps and jagged shapes like rocks in broken asphalt. It was strangely beautiful.

“How fast can it go?” She wanted to test all the limits. _Defy them._

Joey hesitated. He wasn’t going to tell her... He knew her all too well. 

Nudging her off his lap, he took over and grinned, “You wanna go fast?”

“Heck yes!” She eagerly sat and gripped the seat to keep from bouncing excitedly. 

He dropped the aircraft lower in a sweeping motion just like a bird diving and gliding along the horizon. She _\--was--_ the vertibird. She swooped over the land, picking up speed until she could feel everything inside shift. Her stomach did flips and it felt like it was full of feathers for a moment. Weightlessness, then the force of gravity against her as the ground below zipped past in a blur. 

“Can it go faster?” Her smile couldn’t have gotten any bigger. 

“Yeah…” Joey didn’t speed up any, “But we’re not gunna.”

“Awe…” Her disappointment was only momentary as Jessy was pulled back into the rapture of flight.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - -**

Joey was allowed to come around more often and he didn’t have pesky puppydog-eye proof soldiers with him any longer. _It was awesome!_ Whenever he came home to visit for a few hours or a day, he’d take Jess up in the bird. Mom disapproved, but most times would give in. She’d tell him to fly slow and low and come back in thirty minutes… He’d fly high and fast and they were always gone for hours.

He showed her all the best spots in the Wasteland. Places no feet could walk upon… Earthbound creatures could only dream of seeing such wonder. If he could land on it, they’d be there. And Joey could land in some really cool places!

Jessy practically pulled her brother toward the edge of one of her most favorite places. He walked slowly, holding her hand tightly in his to keep her safe as she tugged excitedly. 

He stopped her three feet from the edge of the broken overpass and held her firmly there. _Always three feet from the edge._ She’d stand with her toes right off the very edge of the broken pavement if she could. She liked to sit or stand up high and view the ground far beneath her feet… Even if it did give everyone big panic attacks. 

The overpass was so high up… birds flew below them. When the breeze blew, Jessy would face it with her arms spread and eyes closed. Sometimes her imagination turned her into a bird to leap off the edge and open her wings… Gliding over the earth with the sun washing over her and the wind rushing past her body.

_After too long, the bird was caged._

“Stop encouraging her crazy obsession.” Mom raised her voice as she leaned over the kitchen table and pointed angrily at Joey. “It’s bad enough my only son is taking risks and dancing with death… But you leave Jessica out of it, you hear me?!” 

Ooh… _‘my only son’._ Mom was bringing out the big guns. Jessy slumped in the chair, head down, and silently fidgeted with the hem of her shirt. Mom had enough of the stress. Every time Jessy spoke about flying, vertibirds, or the Brotherhood of Steel in general, her parents visibly tensed up. They had never liked it that he joined the Brotherhood. It actually took dad a little more than a year before he would even talk to Joey… Or about him. _That hurt._ Jessy was just barely five when he joined, but she was so close with her brother that having dad ban his name from the house had been the worst thing ever and she didn’t understand any of it. 

Mom had said it was because they loved him. It didn’t make sense to her. If they loved him so much, then shouldn’t they be happy that he was happy? 

If they loved _her_ so much, why were they taking her happiness away, now? 

“Stop worrying so much, let her have fun.” Joey rolled his eyes and slouched back in the chair rather casually. “You’re over exaggerating everything.”

“You think you’re immortal, Joe?” Dad had been leaning against the counter with his arms crossed in silent irritation. “Think bad stuff won’t happen to you? Let me tell you something, boy…” He pushed himself away from the counter and leaned on the table in front of Joey, “The world is a rough place. People die every day out here from simple things. And _you_ … Those Brotherhood bastards are more to blame than anyone for all the--”

“I _\--am--_ one of those _Brotherhood bastards!_ ” Joey slapped his palms on the table and stood from his chair, knocking it to the floor in a loud clatter than made Jessy flinch. 

Dad took a step around the corner of the table and stood right in Joey’s face. “That’s right... You _are_ … And I’ll be damned if you drag your sister into it.” He lowered his voice dangerously, “Stop putting it into her head that what you’re doing is glamorous and fun like some sort of party. The Brotherhood is nothing more than a cult of militarized thugs who do whatever the hell they want. Taking lives as they see fit… And it gets them killed.” His fists balled tightly at his sides. “It’ll get _you_ killed one day. You made your choice, but I swear to God, Joseph… If you take Jessica down that path--”

With a growl of rage, Joey shoved him away. “Fuck you! The Brotherhood is working to protect the very fucking land you live on and all the people you know and care about! If I die, I’ll die fighting and I’ll die with pride, happiness and freedom. I’ll die knowing it was for a greater cause.”

Mom had started crying. 

Jessy chewed her bottom lip and drew her knees up, hugging her arms around them tightly. 

The two men stared one another down in silent anger for several agonizing heartbeats until Joey finally turned and stalked out of the kitchen, slamming the front door behind him as he left.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - -**

He didn’t come back.

 _Not for a long time._

Months had passed and Jessy spent every day missing her brother more than anything in the world. Mom had finally stopped crying and dad had finally stopped yelling about him. They didn’t fix the front door frame. Every time dad looked at it he’d get angry all over again. 

Jessy sat down on the cold metal frame of the pylon, roughly sixty feet up from the ground, and she stared out at the field Joey used to land in. 

_The field remained empty._

As it had been every day since he walked out.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**


	2. Three Feet From the Edge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why didn’t Joey tell her? Why hadn’t he visited or written or anything? Did he forget about her? Jessy started to dwell on that to hide the idea of her brother going to fight. If she got mad at him, maybe she wouldn’t be so scared.
> 
> \- - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Joey had missed her Eighth birthday… And her Ninth.

Jessica spent those two days mostly staring at the front door waiting for him to come home. She had watched out the window while sitting at the kitchen table, poking a fork at the cake on her plate. He never did walk through that door. 

_Ever again._

Each birthday wish was another one of the same… To see her brother again. 

She missed his laugh. He used to cheer her up whenever she was upset. There was nobody to make her smile since he was gone. 

_She pretended._

Pretended that everything was fine and that she wasn’t hollow inside. Jessy smiled and played with other kids. She helped mom and dad with the farm. She ate her birthday cake and opened her gifts while wearing a mask of happiness.

Her laughter sounded fake… So she didn’t laugh. Not for a long time.

Sometimes, Jessy could hear mom crying at night. Even after two years. At first, Jessica would sit in the bedroom with her and try her best to make mom feel better, but each time it would end with Jessy begging and pleading for her to let Joey come home. 

_It was too late for that now._

After her Ninth birthday, Jessy was grounded pretty much until the end of time for climbing the pylon. She nearly made it to the top that day. Thirty more feet would have had it. 

But now, she wasn’t allowed out there anymore. She had to stay in the house most days when she wasn’t helping in the gardens.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Jessica climbed up in the seat of the wagon and wiped the dirt off a mutfruit while her father stood at the back of the wagon, piling one more canvas load into the back as he chatted with their neighbor.

Just before she put the fruit to her mouth, Jessy paused when she heard Sam casually tell her dad, “Ya hear the Brotherhood of Steel is goin’ to war with the Enclave?” Her dad didn’t say anything, so the man continued, “I mean, they were already fightin’ and all, but there’s talk of a final strike. Finally wipe those fuckers outta the Waste for good.” Sam laughed. Father did not. 

Jessy lowered the fruit and turned in her seat to see the look on his face. _Unreadable._ He didn’t look angry. Or happy. Or anything. How could he just ignore it? Joey would be in that fight. Her heart suddenly hurt a little at the thought.

_And then a little anger welled up inside._

Why didn’t Joey tell her? Why hadn’t he visited or written or anything? Did he forget about her? Jessy started to dwell on that to hide the idea of her brother going to fight. If she got mad at him, maybe she wouldn’t be so scared. 

The long ride to market was filled with silence. Jessy constantly turned in her seat to look at Sam in his own cart trailing behind them in the caravan line. She wanted to go talk to him. Ask what he knew. When was the Brotherhood going to fight? Had he heard anything about Joey? 

Joey abandoned her. 

_No he didn’t._

Jessica tried to get angry at him again, but really all she felt was sad and afraid. As she hopped out of the cart, Jessy eyed the forgotten fruit she had been clutching for the entire trip. 

She tossed it in a bag and pointed. “I gotta go to the bathroom.” 

Dad sighed then gave a smile, “Sure. Don’t be gone long.” He knew she’d be gone for quite a while, no matter what he told her. He pat her on the back then turned away to deal with the cargo.

The market was neat. Anything anyone could ever want was right there. And the people! Jessy liked people. She liked the excitement of crowds and most times she could find other kids playing games and hanging out. She was shy, though. Most often times she would just sort of stand around and wait to be noticed and invited into a game. 

Jessy stood next to an end stall and fidgeted nervously with the hem of her shirt as she watched three kids playing something with sticks. _Swords._ They were attacking a deathclaw in the form of a canvas sack full of tatos. They weren’t noticing her, so she took a small step forward, then paused as someone behind her spoke.

“Hey, Jessy!” 

She startled and turned. “Oh… Um... Hi…” She gave a small nervous wave at the man. What was his name again? He was always there. Sometimes he had mail for people to pick up. 

“How ya been, kiddo?” Mailman smiled. He was always smiling. 

Jessy couldn’t help give a little smile of her own as she shrugged. 

He dug around in his pack for a moment and handed her a letter. “There ya go.” 

Reaching out slowly with a little look of confusion on her face, Jessy eyed the paper. “What’s this?”

Mailman laughed lightly, “What’s it look like? It’s your letter.” He tilted his chin back toward where her dad stood somewhere on the other side of the plaza. “Was gunna give it to Marty but I found you first, so there ya go.”

She turned it over in her hands and her mouth fell open. 

_It was from Joey._

“So, how’s he been doing?” Mailman hefted his bag up over a shoulder.

“Uh…” She was in shock. “I dunno…”

His smile faltered, “How do you not know? He writes to you about twice a month.”

Jessica stared up at the man and blinked stupidly. She’d never gotten a letter from her brother. _Ever._

Mailman suddenly realized what was going on and, for the first time she’d ever seen, he stopped smiling. “Martin hasn’t been giving them to you…”

Fingers tightening on the paper, Jessy shook her head. She looked down at it and nearly mumbled, “How many?”

“I don’t know. Months. Couple years. A couple packages…” His face now had a complete look of sorrow. “I’m guessing you didn’t get those, either?”

Again, all she could do was shake her head slowly. Somewhere out there was a trash pile filled with probably a thousand unopened letters from her brother. Somewhere were the birthday gifts he had sent to her and she never received… 

_He hadn’t forgotten about her._

Jessica slowly tucked the letter away in the waistband of her pants underneath her shirt. She wanted to read it right then, but she had to hide it from father. He’d take it. He would take it and throw it away like all the others. Tears stung her eyes and she suddenly hugged the man. “Thank you.”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

The letter was short. Jessy wondered how much she’d missed from past letters from Joey. She read it again, for about the thousandth time, then tucked it underneath her mattress. He had mentioned a girlfriend. He mentioned a couple names that she didn’t know which must have been talked about in other letters. He had gotten a promotion to Senior Knight at some point, from what his signature stamp said. And he was going to war in a matter of weeks...

Jessica rolled over and buried her face in the pillow. All those missing letters. She wondered if he was angry at her for not writing back. He had to be. But he kept writing to her anyway. Jessy pressed her face hard against the pillow to try and keep from crying, but it was no use. 

It would have been so much easier if he had just died instead of disappeared, leaving her wondering all these things. Knowing he was out there and she could never see him again but still being so hopeful. And that thought made her cry even harder. She tried to tell herself that he seemed happy. He had a girlfriend and was out there doing what he loved… But she missed him so much. The years never completely dulled the hurt inside, or filled the hole in her heart.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

_Tap tap tap._ Jessica slowly opened her puffy eyelids and blinked. _Tap tap._ She sat up slowly and peered around her dark room. _Tap tap tap!_ Jessy suddenly startled as her eyes fell on a shadow outside the window. Covering her mouth to stop a scream from escaping at the sudden surprise, Jessica stared.

He waved.

Her eyes narrowed and Jessy scoot herself from the bed slowly. Then suddenly ran across the room and pulled the window open. 

She gasped, “Joey!”

“Shh…” He put a finger to his lips and laughed quietly as she tried to hug him from the other side of the window. “Get dressed.” He whispered quietly as he cocked his chin. 

Her brother helped her climb out the window and knelt down to set her on the ground. She didn’t let go of him. She hugged him tightly and buried her face against his shoulder for a long time. 

He finally broke the hug, nudging her back so he could look at her. “Wow, you haven’t grown an inch, shorty.” He ruffled her hair.

“Yes I have!” She stood tall.

His smile faded a little and he looked sad for a moment. “I’m sorry, Jess.” He sighed then cleared his throat and reached into one of the large pockets on his vest. “Got you something…” He pulled out a small teddy bear. “For your birthday next month.”

She was suddenly sad all over again when she remembered all those letters and gifts. Jessy took the bear and hugged it tightly. “I didn’t… Your stuff. The things you sent me. I didn’t get them.” She looked down at the bear and mumbled, “I never got the letters…”

“Kinda figured…” His jaw clenched tightly and he stood up, taking her hand in his to lead her out into the field.

Jessica’s heart jumped when his vertibird came into view. A big black metal beast shining under the light of a full moon. 

“Why didn’t you visit?” Jessy stopped next to the aircraft and pressed her fingers against the cool metal frame.

Joey shook his head, “Couldn’t.” He glanced back toward the house and added quietly, “For several reasons.” He grabbed her around the waist and lifted her up then climbed inside after her. “I’m actually not supposed to be here now. Pretty sure when they find out that I hijacked the bird I’ll be in about a metric ass ton of trouble...” 

He dug a small vest from a cargo box, slid it over her head then tightened the straps. Jessica glanced down at herself and a huge smile crept up on her face as she looked up at him. The child-sized vest _\--almost--_ fit now. 

“But I just had to see that smile one more time before I go.” He grinned as she threw her arms around him.

He sat her between his knees on the seat and watched her with a smile on his face as she brought the bird to life. 

And they took to the sky. 

They flew to some of her favorite places. Over the dark earth, beneath the star speckled sky. Through the fiery sunrise to her most favorite place where she stood three feet from the edge beside her brother for the last time.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****


	3. The Sound of Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica hopped off the cart and clenched her hands tightly around the strap of her bag over one shoulder. She had never before looked at the market this way. She wasn’t here to unload trade goods. She wasn’t here to play games with other children. She wasn’t here to buy anything.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


**_\-- Ti amo. Sempre e per sempre. --_ **

**_\-- I love you. Forever and for always. --_ **

****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

There were probably a hundred people sitting in the bailey behind Jessica and her parents. _A hundred silent people._ Silent except for the quiet sounds of friends and family sobbing. The sound of her mother crying.

Names.

Ranks. 

She heard none of them… Except one. One name which echoed through her as the Elder said it. 

_\--Senior Knight Joseph Michael Lucci--_

Jessica’s eyes fell on one of the suits of power armor standing in rows behind the Elder. _That one was Joey’s._ Like the others, it was draped with an American flag over the large metal shoulders. Unlike most of the others, it stood empty. His body wasn’t welded up inside the big iron sarcophagus… Joey had died in his bird. She heard them tell her parents earlier that the explosion and fire-- There was no body. 

Eyes starting to sting, she pulled her fixed stare from the armor and glanced up at the sky. 

Four vertibirds flew overhead in a vee formation with one empty spot just behind the front. It represented the fallen soldiers lost in the battle… That empty space suddenly made everything very real for Jessica. That missing bird. _Gone forever._

Jess leaned over and buried her face against her mother’s chest as she was held in a tight embrace. 

Seven soldiers off to the side somewhere fired three shots from old rifles. Each shot seemed to hit her right in the heart as they tore through the silence. 

Then a recording of some sort of wailing instrument played through speakers lining the bailey. It was a song that seemed to copy the sounds of all the people crying. 

She turned her head slightly and watched as soldiers took the flags off the armored dead and folded them with some sort of special consideration. Then Jess pulled away from her mother as a Knight approached with Joey’s flag folded into a neat triangle. 

The Knight lowered himself to one knee and held the flag out to her father. “On behalf of the Elder and the Brotherhood of Steel, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for Joseph’s honorable and faithful service.”

His hands trembled as he took the flag from the soldier.

The Knight stood with others who had presented flags to other families and they turned to the rows of armored dead and gave a final salute.

Fists to hearts, their voices broke through the deafening silence in unison.

“Ad Victoriam.”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - 

****

Jessica stood in the middle of the bailey under a bright full moon. The fallen had been taken to their final resting place hours ago and now she stood and stared at the spot Joey’s armor had been.

“I didn’t mean it…” She whispered to the empty space. “I didn’t really mean that it would be better if you--” Jess fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, wrapping it around her fingers and pulling tightly. 

“Jessica Lucci, right?” A soft voice from behind startled her.

“Um…” She wiped her eyes and blinked at the young woman, “Yes…?”

“I’m Kat.” She smiled and held a hand out to shake.

Jess tilted her head and asked quietly, “How do you know me?”

Her face softened, “I… Knew your brother. He talked about you.” Kat softly laughed, “A lot.” 

“Oh…” Jessica took a breath and stared down at her feet as she fought off more tears.

“He didn’t mention me?” She quietly asked.

Jess shook her head and mumbled, “I didn’t get to read his letters.”

“I heard about that.” She placed a hand gently on Jessica’s shoulder and gave a soft squeeze, “I’m sorry.” 

A small nod. “Are you… Um… Were you his girlfriend?”

Kat took an unsteady breath, “I was.”

“Sorry.” Jess was suddenly a little uncomfortable. Was she supposed to say something?

“Don’t be sorry.” Kat had a comforting smile. “Joey was a great man and I’m glad to have shared some of his life. He was happy… And he was an amazing soldier.”

“You aren’t sad?” Jess glanced up through her lashes. 

“I am…” Kat looked up at the moon for a long moment. “He saved my life.” Another long pause. “Joey’s life had meaning and he died just how he intended… Protecting people he cared about.” A small smile. “I can’t think of a more honorable and perfect way to go.”

“How about old and happy with your family?” Jess almost glared as she lifted her chin and stared at Kat.

She stared back, but her eyes were gentle and wet with tears. 

Jessica shook her head, “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Kat spoke softly, “Your brother was a bright flame… And the flames that burn the brightest, burn the quickest.” She pulled something from her pocket and held it in her hand for a moment, rubbing a thumb over the metal. “He wanted you to have this.”

Jess reached out slowly and took the single holotag from Kat. She held it in both hands and blinked away tears as she stared. It used to glow, but it was burned and broken now. She could still read his name stamped into the little steel tag.

The woman put a thumb under the chain of her own tags and singled out the other burned holotag. She tapped a finger against it then kissed it softly. 

“Joey will never be forgotten. He earned a place in the Codex, but more importantly, he lives in our hearts.” She tightened her fist around the tag and held it against her chest.

“What’s a Codex?” Jess murmured as she continued to stare at the metal in her hands.

“It’s like… A code of honor we live by.” She thought for a moment and a smile tugged the corner of her lips. “The names and deeds of our brothers and sisters are entered in it when we die as a sort of memorial. Never forgotten.”

“Joey’s name is in it?” Jessica finally looked away from the tag.

“Of course.” There was a look of pride on her face, “He was a hero. Brave, selfless, honorable and devoted. Joey wanted to make the world a better place… Better for future generations… _For you.”_

“Dad says that the Brotherhood doesn’t care about people.” Jess tightened a fist around the tag.

Kat straightened up and sighed, “The BoS has a bad rep. I don’t want to bore you with current politics, but Elder Lyons… He’s different. Compassionate. He wants to help citizens. Protect people. It’s why soldiers like Joey are so important to us. We need brave caring people like him to fill the ranks.”

Jessica rubbed her thumb over the holotag down at her side. It was comforting somehow. “I used to wanna…” She trailed off as her eyes fell on a figure approaching from the distance.

Kat followed her gaze then turned back, placing a hand on her shoulder once more, “I would be proud to call you sister.”

Jess stuffed the holotag in her pocket as her father came closer. “Dammit, Jessica! We’ve been looking for you. Stop running off like that!” 

“Sorry…” She shifted uncomfortably for a moment then pointed to Kat, “Dad, she’s--”

“Just leaving.” She gave a quick glance to him then smiled at Jess before turning away.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - 

****

Rows and rows of power armor filled the Tomb of Steel. The place was huge. All those men and women. So many. A Knight led them down a row and Jessy trailed behind, staring at the Steel Army in awe.

Some of the suits had flowers and trinkets at their feet or placed up on the metal frames. Necklaces and pictures. Sealed letters and lockets. Pocket watches and… toys. These people gave their lives for something they thought was worth the trade. 

Joey died for something he thought was worthwhile. 

They stopped in front of his armor. 

The night before, the Elder had visited with each family who had lost a loved one and he sat and spoke to them all. Father didn’t want to talk to him and after the man left the room, mom and dad argued. Jessy knew it was because they were both sad, but some very hurtful things were said. It was what made her leave and find herself in the bailey. 

Jessica ran her fingers over a feather in her hand as she stared up at the suit. She imagined Joey inside. Mom started crying again and father whispered something quietly to her. Something about how that wasn’t him. He’s not here. He’s gone. 

Jess took a deep breath and stepped up to the armor. She touched its hand and stuck the feather inside the metal frame just above the elbow. _Joey was here._ He was here in the Steel Army and he was in her heart, forever. 

Kat’s words stuck in her mind. 

If her brother thought she was worth his life, then Jessica was going to make that life mean something. 

“I’m going to be a pilot.” She smiled up at the stoic metal helmet.

“Jessica, no.” Mom wiped her eyes then touched Jessy’s shoulder from behind. 

“I’m going to be a pilot,” She repeated, “And I’m going to be just like Joey.” She had never, in all her life, spoken with such certainty. 

“You want to be just like Joe? He’s dead, Jessica.” Father made an angry motion to the armor with one hand. “He’s… dead.” His voice cracked. 

Jess turned around and faced her parents. “I don’t want to die out in a field picking fruit. I don’t want to live to be a hundred years old if it means I did it by sitting comfortably in a little house somewhere while people like Joey gave up their lives for me. I don’t want his sacrifice to be wasted.” She swept a hand out, “All these soldiers died for me. For us. I’m going to repay that and then some. I’m going to be a hero. I’m going to save lives one day.” Jess turned and placed her hand on the metal chest plate, “I’m going to save people like Joey so that their families don’t have to miss them.”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - 

****

The entire next day and then some was filled with mom crying and begging for Jessy to change her mind and father yelling at her and trying his hardest to ‘talk some sense into her’. He threatened her. He said that he’d never talk to her again. He said he’d ground her forever. He said a lot of terrible things, but her mind was made up.

Mom tried a lot of different stuff, too. She told Jess that she couldn’t possibly handle losing another child, her only remaining child, and going through all that again. Jessy knew they were scared for her, but it didn’t make the words hurt any less. 

“Jessica Ginevra Lucci! Get down here!”

Jessy had made it to the top of the pylon. 

She could see everything. She could see the entire world in every direction. The wind blew against her face and ran through her hair like fingers. She could see her house. 

Jess watched her father stand in front of the door with his hand pressed against the broken frame. She saw him doing that the day the Knights came to the house to tell them Joey had been killed. For the first time ever, Jessy saw her father cry. 

Mom yelled again, but her voice was quiet from so far below and Jessy ignored it. She was crying, Jessy knew. 

They had tried to cage her again. Locked her in her room. She climbed out the window. Jessica would not be caged again. Ever. Not by her parents and not by anyone.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - 

****

“I swear to God, Jessica, if you get on that cart you’re not welcome back in this house.” Father crossed his arms and stared down at her. He was trying threats again.

And mom was crying again. 

She scooped Jessy up in her arms and held her tight. 

Jess clenched her teeth and tried really hard not to give in. 

“I love you.” She spoke softly as a reply to her dad’s harsh words. Jessica promised herself she wouldn’t leave the same way Joey had. It really hurt her parents that the very last words spoken to him were words of anger. 

They couldn’t make her stay. They tried for a week. Jessica gave her mom a hug then pushed gently away and repeated, “I love you. Forever and for always.” She tucked a feather in her mom’s hair and smiled as best she could. Jessica was trying to be strong and brave, but really she was scared and sad. 

Her mind was made up. 

Deep breath. 

“Ti amo. Sempre e per sempre.” Mom swept stray hairs back behind Jessica’s ear and cupped a trembling palm against her cheek. 

Jessy looked up at father. He was clenching and unclenching his jaw tightly. “I love you, Jessica… But I can’t do this again. I won’t.”

“Just…” She took another deep breath, “Just know that I’ll be happy.”

Jessy pulled away from her mom’s hands, picked up her bag, and turned to get on the cart. Just before she climbed up, she glanced back over her shoulder and for the second time in her life… She saw her father cry.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - 

****

The Brotherhood of Steel had recruitments every so many months at the market. Jessica hopped off the cart and clenched her hands tightly around the strap of her bag over one shoulder. She had never before looked at the market this way. She wasn’t here to unload trade goods. She wasn’t here to play games with other children. She wasn’t here to buy anything.

Jessica timidly approached the table a Knight was sitting at. She was talking to an older boy just in front of her in a line. She glanced around. They were all older than her. Some of them were young adults. Everyone was much taller than she was. Jessy suddenly felt like a lost little girl. 

Someone cut in front of her and she held a hand out to say something then quietly shuffled back to make space for the older teen. Another cut in front of her. Then a pair of them. She silently allowed it. They didn’t even seem to see her standing there. Her stomach turned and knotted tightly. What was she doing here? She felt so out of place. 

Everyone else had gone and she finally took a deep breath and pushed her feet to move. She very nearly fell onto the table as she unfroze from her spot. 

“Hello.” The lady smiled. 

“Um… Hello…” She wasn’t sure what to say or how this was supposed to work. “I wanna join… Please?” 

The Knight blinked at her for a moment. “How old are you?” 

Jessy looked around her at the older kids. “Um… I’m nine. I mean… I’m ten…” She almost mumbled, “Today’s my birthday.”

The woman stared in silence for a really long time. “Where are your parents?”

Deep breath. “I don’t have any.”

“Jey…” She turned to a Senior Knight beside her, “She’s nine.”

“Ten.” Jessica corrected quietly.

The man shrugged, “If she’s ten, we can take her.”

“I am… I’m ten.” Her hands wrung the strap across her shoulder nervously. 

The Senior Knight shrugged again and the lady picked her pen up. “Name?”

She stood a little taller, trying to look older. “Jessica Ginevera Lucci.” 

The pen slowed then stopped as the Knight glanced up through her lashes. “Lucci?” 

“Um… Yes.” She started to shrink back down.

“As in… Joseph Lucci?” The woman raised an eyebrow and looked her up and down.

Jessica gave a small nod.

“Huh... “ She snorted and hit the Senior Knight with the back of her hand, “She’s Joey’s sister.”

“No shit?” He stared. 

Was that a problem? Jessy suddenly felt very uncomfortable. 

He barked a laugh, “Looks just like him…” He tilted his head and made a palm down gesture, “But tiny.” He leaned on the table and looked her up and down, “Joining the Brotherhood, Mini-Joe?” A nod and a smile, “If you’re even a quarter the man your brother was, we’d be happy to have you, kid.”

Jessica screwed her face up. How was she supposed to take that? “I’m every bit as good as Joey.” The words left her mouth before she could stop them. She clenched her jaw then swallowed hard. She couldn’t believe she just said that out loud to these people. 

They both laughed. 

The Knight scribbled some things down and stamped the paper before handing it to her, “Happy birthday, Jessica Lucci, and welcome to the Brotherhood of Steel. Ad Victoriam, sister.”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****


	4. Receiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All Jess could think in that moment, now that she had _time_ to think, was about how stupid she was suddenly feeling for what she’d done. She upset her parents and they kicked her out for this. _For what?_ Why did she think this was a good idea? 
> 
> She was safe at home. Jessy had loving parents, a pretty good life… And scary soldiers weren’t yelling at her. She’d given everything up for this. _Why?_
> 
> \- - - - - - - 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** This chapter (and the next) has been based very heavily on U.S. Marine boot camp receiving day. I have changed a few things to account for post-apocalyptic conditions and the BoS in general. The BoS recruits children, obviously, but the kids in a post-apocalyptic setting are different than 'normal' real world kids. They would be harder, grow up faster, and be a little more desensitized to harshness of environment and people. Therefore, it is completely understandable that pre-teens and teens could go through this sort of training just fine. Keep that in mind. 
> 
> And they had no qualms about taking kids... I firmly belive that if a kid were to walk up and say "lemme join" that the BoS would snatch them up without much thought as to anything like 'parental consent'.
> 
> Also, DI's in our military system nowadays aren't as rough as they used to be or how they can sometimes be portrayed in movies, but in a post-apocalyptic setting where laws have gone out the (blown the fuck up) window, DI's and officers would be a lot different. 'Meaner'. More physical. Cussy. Able to get away with a lot of shit that laws protect people from in today's real world American military. 
> 
> Also, yeah... Girls get their heads shaved and everything is co-ed. All the kids on the Prydwen have shaved heads... There's a psychology behind that and I'm not going to go into it here... Just know it exists.
> 
> \- - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

It was called _‘receiving’_ but it should have been called torture.

Torture might have been too nice of a word, maybe. _Hell._ That was more accurate. 

Jessica never swore, but she couldn’t think of a better word for what the new recruits went through on their first day. Although it had started with a nighttime ride in a vertibird, it was far from fun.

Thirty-one recruits were packed tightly into three birds. About ten sitting cross legged in each along with the pilot and a Senior Knight. It was hot and stuffy with the doors closed and the Senior Knight barked loudly at them over the sound of the rotors as they flew.

“From this point on, you are a member of the Brotherhood of Steel. You will learn respect, honor and teamwork through hard work and discipline. You will speak only when spoken to and when asked a question, you will answer promptly with ‘yes Sir or no Sir’. Do you understand?”

“Yes Sir!” The recruits replied quickly. 

“Do you understand?” The man repeated.

“Yes Sir!” Louder.

The Senior Knight stared down at them from his spot up front. “When I say, you will put your heads in your laps and remain with your eyeballs down until I tell you otherwise. Do you understand?”

“Yes Sir!” 

“Heads down. Now!” He pointed.

“Yes Sir!” And all heads went down.

Jessy was glad for the break from the yelling as they continued on like that. Her voice was already starting to get a little cracky and she had only just begun. 

They landed and one of the doors slid open. 

Another Senior Knight stood outside the door on the side of the bird and picked up yelling where the other man had left off. 

“Eyeballs on me. Now!” He was even louder than the first guy had been.

“Yes Sir!” 

Jess looked past the man to the building behind. They weren’t any place she’d ever been before, but judging by the time the flight took, it had to be somewhere close to the Citadel.

“When I say, you will all get out as quickly as possible and stand on the line.” He pointed behind without looking away from the recruits. “Do you understand?”

“Yes Sir!” 

“Get the fuck off my bird.” He yelled.

“Yes Sir!” 

Jessy gasped quietly as she was suddenly driven to scramble to her feet and climb out with the others. She clutched her recruitment papers tightly in one hand and rubbed her other hand over her pocket where her brother’s tag was. Comforting. 

_Remember why you’re here._

_You can do this, Jess._

What happened next was a whole lot of commands followed by yelling ‘yes Sir’ about a million more times until Jessica’s throat hurt. There were four Senior Knights yelling at them. How to stand at attention. Rules and regulations. Codex. Set your papers down. Pick them back up. Hold them against your chest in just such a way. Repeat. Look here. Now. Look there. Now. Stand here. Now. _Yes Sir._

It was a whirlwind of quick loud orders that left no time for any thought. 

And then Jess was standing in a contraband room with the others in front of little red wooden cubbies. 

A Senior Knight was actually walking up and down a row of cubbies… _On top of_ the cubbies. “When I say, you will have fifty seconds to completely empty your pockets of all items and place them on the table in front of you. Do you understand?” 

“Yes Sir!”

“Put your shit on the table. Now!” He pointed down at the cubby under his foot then started counting backwards from fifty.

He counted way faster than seconds went.

Jessy rushed to pull everything from her pants and jacket pockets, which wasn’t much. She had a few caps, a wrapped snack cake, her brother’s letter to her, the small teddy bear he had given, and… His burned holotag. She set the last thing down carefully and stared at it there on the table. She didn’t want to let it go. Before they had gotten in the vertibirds, her bag was taken away from her. They sent it back home, or somewhere. She hadn’t cared too much about that… Just some clothes. The only things she really cared about in the whole world were right there on that table.

The other Senior Knights stalked up and down the floor behind each recruit. When the time was up, They all had to take a step back and let the men rifle through the stuff. They quickly checked all the items and separated things out. The unacceptable stuff was tossed on the floor.

When a Senior Knight stepped up to her cubby, Jessica flinched. He immediately threw the snack cake on the floor then pulled the letter from its envelope, tossing that on the floor as he unfolded the paper with one hand. He didn’t read it, but he looked longer than he needed to. He must have read the name. He tossed it back on the table carelessly then picked up Joey’s tag and Jessica reached a hand out.

“Did anyone tell you to move?” Another Senior Knight suddenly stomped up really close to her.

“No Sir.” She tried to say it loud, but was still staring at the tag as it was dropped back on the table.

“Did anyone tell you to fucking move?” He repeated.

“No Sir!” She yelled.

“You don’t move until you’re told. I don’t care if a bloatfly lands on your head and takes a thirty pound shit on your face, you do not move!” His face was inches from hers. “Do you understand?”

“Yes Sir!” Her nails bit into the palms of her hands.

He stepped away as quickly as he had come and moved to someone else. They were yelling at other recruits for different things. All Jessy felt was relief… Until they told the recruits to place everything remaining in a little green bag that would later be taken away…

After that all she could think of was where they had taken her brother’s tag and when she would get it back.

Well, that was all she could think about until she found herself in a line to get her hair cut. 

Jess hadn’t thought about this part until she stood there staring at a girl in the chair getting her head shaved. Jessica glanced down at her own hair laying over one shoulder. It was long. Almost to the middle of her back. Her mom had always loved her hair. She would braid it and sometimes Jessy would stick a feather in the braid. They weren’t going to cut all her hair off, were they?

Yes. Yes, they were.

She had no time to protest or think about it any more as she was ushered into the seat, still littered with long clippings of other recruits’ hair. A woman gathered her hair up in one hand and sheared it all off at the back of her head with a sharp knife. Jessica let out a small whimper as it all fell to the floor and the lady pressed her fingers roughly against her forehead to jerk her head back and quickly shave off the rest without a word. 

She was nudged out of the seat and sent out the other side of the room to stand in line with all the other bald recruits. 

Jessy clenched her hands tightly at her sides to keep from touching her head. The Senior Knight who had yelled at her for moving earlier was pacing up and down the line of them again. He was scary. They were all scary, but that one was the most frightening. 

He was the one who had told them to get out of the bird and line up. He was the one pacing up and down on top of the cubbies and counting way too fast. 

_His name was Senior Knight Kells._  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - 

****

They were issued a ‘ditty bag’ and uniforms. It took a little extra time to find stuff in her size, but eventually she was given socks, boots, skivvy shirts, a hat, cammies, and assorted bathroom stuff. They had even issued her underwear.

They were given three minutes to change. Senior Knight Kells told them that was plenty of time and maybe it would have been if she knew how those clothes worked. 

Jessica had the opportunity to run her hand one time over her shaved head as she hesitated in the group. They wanted her to change all her clothes right there in front of everyone. She didn’t have time to be sad about her hair or puzzle over the straps on the pants because the clock on the wall was ticking and that scary man stepped close to her again.

“Is there a problem, recruit?” He narrowed his eyes. 

“No Sir!” She immediately started stripping.

Jessy mostly figured everything out and was sitting down on a bench lacing up the boots, fumbling as she tried to go as fast as she could. 

Scary Kells stood over a kid next to her and pointed down at his boots. “They’re fucking shoelaces, recruit! Why are they kicking your ass?!”

She really didn’t want him to yell at her again. Jessica clenched her teeth and retied the laces as she watched the other kid redo his out of the corner of her eye. She stood up just at the end of their three minutes. Most of the other recruits finished way before she did, but the kid next to her didn’t. She wasn’t allowed to look anywhere other than straight ahead, so she couldn’t see his face… But she heard him sniffle quietly. He was crying. 

Jessica was afraid and her eyes stung a little when she got yelled at, but she hadn’t broken yet. _Not yet._ Her brother had gone through this and so would she. He had been standing on that line outside getting yelled at. He had stood in front of those cubbies to empty his pockets. He had sat in those chairs and got his head shaved. He had stood in this very room, maybe even in the same spot as she did, and changed out of his civilian clothes into his first Brotherhood uniform while these Senior Knights yelled. 

Joey did it, so could she.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - 

****

They were given another heavy duffle bag full of stuff and ushered quickly into receiving barracks.

The place was gross. It was like a long tin shack with about forty old beds lining the walls, one tiny bathroom with a toilet and maybe two rolls of toilet paper. The place smelled like dirty socks and vomit. _Why did it smell like vomit?_ Even though it was probably three o’clock in the morning, it was still hot in the barracks. There were two ceiling fans… But one was broken. 

Bags were placed on beds then recruits were told to sit on the floor in tight rows up at the front in an open space. Jessica was happy to be able to sit. She was getting really tired. She wondered, not for the first time, when they would be able to go to sleep. 

A Paladin was there. He was introduced as Paladin Gunny and he wore a permanent scowl. 

Jessica already didn’t like him and he hadn’t even started yelling. 

Gunny made the Senior Knights raise their right hands and recite a drill instructor pledge.

"These recruits are entrusted to my care. I will train them to the best of my ability. I will develop them into smartly disciplined, physically fit, basically trained soldiers, thoroughly indoctrinated in love of the Brotherhood of Steel. I will demand of them and demonstrate by my own example, the highest standards of personal conduct, morality, and professional skill."

Jessy frowned in thought about that pledge. After her first several hours of being yelled at and herded around, she was starting to think they didn’t care about recruits. She thought they were being mean just to be mean. Why would anyone willingly go through this stuff if they knew what was going to happen? Were they always going to be yelled at and pushed around? 

The Paladin was, apparently, the main initiate instructor. Or, he would be after the recruits got done with their first few weeks in the ‘newbie barracks’. 

Gunny took a step to the side and introduced the group to the man who would be their head drill instructor for the beginning. Jessica cringed inside as Scary Kells stepped forward. 

“This is Senior Knight Kells and he will be your head DI for the next three weeks. You will show him the utmost respect and courtesy at all times.” The Paladin nodded his head and stepped away.

Jessy’s hands unconsciously moved to the hem of her shirt and she started chewing her lip. Why did it have to be _him?_ She wanted to go home. 

_She had no home anymore._

A lump rose in her throat and she didn’t really hear the first part of his introduction. All Jess could think in that moment, now that she had _time_ to think, was about how stupid she was suddenly feeling for what she’d done. She upset her parents and they kicked her out for this. _For what?_ Why did she think this was a good idea? 

She was safe at home. Jessy had loving parents, a pretty good life… And scary soldiers weren’t yelling at her. She’d given everything up for this. _Why?_

To keep from crying, Jessica tried to focus on what the DI was saying. He wasn’t really yelling, but he was stern as he paced back and forth, pointing out his words with a strict finger at the group of recruits.

“... And our mission is to train each one of you to become a Brotherhood of Steel soldier. A Brotherhood soldier is characterized as one who possesses the highest military virtues. He obeys orders, respects his seniors and strives to be the best at everything he does. Discipline and spirit are hallmarks of a Brotherhood soldier. We will give every effort to train you and we will never give up on you, even after some of you have given up on yourselves.”

He paused and let his words sink in for a moment.

“Now, I told you what we will do for you. What I expect from you…” Kells stood tall in front of the group, looking down at them with his dark narrowed eyes, “From you, we demand the following... You must give 100% of yourself at all times. Obey all orders quickly, willingly and without question. Treat all Brotherhood soldiers with courtesy and respect. Be completely honest in everything that you do. Never lie, cheat or steal. You must work hard and strengthen your body, spirit and mind. Be proud of yourself and the uniform you wear. Above all else, never quit or give up. We offer you the challenge of recruit training and the opportunity to earn the Brotherhood of Steel title.” 

Jessica’s hands fell still as she stared up at the man. _Be proud. Never quit or give up._ She sat up a little straighter as those words echoed through her head. 

Kells relaxed slightly and his face softened a little. “Each of you has the power to earn it.” Another pause, lowered voice, “People don’t appreciate things in life. They want everything given to them. We will help you to be appreciative of everything you have and _\--earn--_ it. Don’t just let it be given to you. It takes hard work. It takes dedication. Never quit. If you want it, go get it.” 

_Never quit._

“Let me tell you a little bit about myself.” Kells started talking more like a friend giving advice instead of the scary DI he had been moments ago. “You see these malnourished kids out there in the wastes with torn clothes and no shoes… That was me. I couldn’t read or write. I didn’t know how to make an honest living. Didn’t have two caps to rub together. I joined up when I was 14 after a series of events left me with not many other options, but that’s another story for another time. I didn't think it was a good decision at the time, but I wouldn’t change it for the world because it made me the man I am today. I’m proud of myself and the things I’ve accomplished in my time spent with the Brotherhood. I’ve learned a lot about myself, my limits, and how to exceed them.”

He paused and looked over each recruit. His eyes lingered on Jessica as she sat in the back corner of the group. She was feeling tiny and insignificant when she first sat down, but now she felt like he was talking to her personally and everyone else faded away.

Kells continued, “Who would have thought a kid like me growing up out in the wasteland with absolutely nothing could earn a position in the Brotherhood of Steel training recruits like you... And I feel deeply honored by that. I've worked hard and earned every bit of it. If you want something in life, whatever you choose to do, go out there, set your mind on it and accomplish it.” His eyes seemed to fall directly on Jessy again as he looked them all over, “And you're going to have some hard times. It won't be easy. There will be times that the pain is so great, you’ll want to quit… To give up. But remember where you came from and what you want to do. What I'm doing is making the future defenders of humanity. The future of the Brotherhood. I'm giving back to that which has given so much to me.” 

He stood up straight again and put more heat in his words, “Dont be given anything. _EARN IT._ it’s going to take hard work and dedication on your part. Whatever your dream is, go out there and accomplish it. Don’t let anything stand in the way of your dreams.”

Why had Jessica come here? _She had a dream._ A burning desire that gripped her very soul. Her confidence had wavered through her fear, but hearing those words solidified it completely. Right there, in that moment, her path was clear. It was going to be a rough path, harder than she could ever imagine, but she was going to walk it while never taking her eyes off the goal. 

She would earn it. 

Nobody would take it from her or stand in her way.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****


	5. Pyramid Schemes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another kid, a tall skinny girl named Garcia, hauled back to punch Crewe… And her arm was caught by Kells. 
> 
> “That’s enough, children.” He glared at them all, even the recruits who weren’t part of anything. 
> 
> _Even Jessy._
> 
> She didn’t do anything! She tried to get them to stop… 
> 
> “I think it’s time for a team building exercise.” Kells grinned just as a flash of white lightning lit up the windows.
> 
> \- - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

As it turned out, the new recruits didn’t get to sleep that first night. After the DI’s spoke to them, they were lined up at the foot of their bunks and yelled at some more. The more friendly and approachable side of DI Kells was long gone, vanished quickly like flicking a light switch.

Then they were marched out into a small medical building where they had their blood drawn and got about a hundred shots. And a couple of those shots really hurt. _Jessy hated shots._ She had one once for some reason when she was really young and all she could remember about it was that it hurt and she was glad she would never have to get one ever again. 

And then there she was, getting jabbed in the shoulder by a hundred more needles. They were quick and nobody talked. Didn’t tell them what the shots were for or why they drew blood. And girls got an extra stab in the arm. As Jessy stood in line afterward, trying not to clutch her sore shoulder, all she felt was relief that it was over and she’d never have to do it again. 

_Hopefully._   
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - 

****

They _did_ get to eat. _Sort of._ After the sun came up, just barely, they were marched into the mess hall and taught all about just how quickly a human can eat a plate full of disgusting cram. This turned out to be about sixty seconds.

They stood by the table holding their trays and sat when the DI sat… Then were allowed to eat when the DI ate. And when Kells was done eating, so were they. He could eat really fast. Jessy watched some of the other kids shovel food in their faces and not even chew. _How did they do that?_

She got two bites before Kells stood up. 

By lunch, Jessy was starving all over again. 

_And they didn’t get lunch._

What they got was a lot of water and a long run. _Timed run._ If they didn’t make the time, they had to do it again. Everyone made time. Jessy straggled behind, but she made it. She felt a little pride at that. 

An older boy fell back and ran beside her the whole way, urging her on just by being there. His name was Crewe. Or, his last name was Crewe, anyway. The recruits didn’t have first names anymore. By the time they got to do the run, temporary name badges were given to them all. 

She was now just _‘Lucci’._

When she had gotten her name tag, she ran a thumb over the letters. _J. Lucci._ She imagined it as being the exact same one her brother wore.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - 

****

After all that, the recruits got another sixty seconds to eat and Jessy didn’t even hesitate this time… She got a good five big bites before she had to stop. And the cram wasn’t so disgusting. Funny thing about being really hungry is the point where just about anything put on a plate is the best food ever tasted.

Then they finally got to go to sleep. 

Or, they would have gotten to go to sleep… If some of the recruits had just kept quiet.

Two older boys near her bed had started arguing about something. They were both stressed out and tired and, apparently, the way they dealt with that was to get grouchy. 

Jessy sat on the edge of her cot and slowly drew her knees up as she watched them talking louder and louder and stepping up closer to one another. She’d seen enough fights in her own household to know how it would go. She hated the yelling. It reminded her of the fight Joey and her father had before he left the house. 

She glanced away and saw Kells watching them from his own bed across the room. He was just watching with an unreadable expression. _Wasn’t he going to do something?_

All Jess wanted to do was sleep. She was tired and still kinda hungry. She was exhausted and sore. And now this. 

“Guys… Stop.” Her voice was quiet, but they heard her like she had yelled the words.

They both turned to her and stared. Jessy hugged her knees tightly and shrunk herself down a little. Why did she speak out like that? Now they’d yell at _her._

The bigger of the two boys, Romanov, narrowed his eyes down at her and made a shooing motion with one hand. “Mind your business, kid.”

Jessy looked away from his intimidating face and back to Kells, who was still just watching silently. She lifted her head a little and spoke in a near whisper, “It’s sort of everyone’s business…” It was the lack of sleep talking, not her. Jess would never have said that. 

She looked around nervously at the other recruits. A couple of them had stood up and moved closer to the scene. 

“Naw, you should listen to the girl… Before your big mouth gets you in trouble.” Devlin, the other boy, crossed his arms and smirked at him. 

“She was talking to you, too, dipshit.” Crewe had stepped up to the foot of Jessy’s bed. 

Crewe was tall and thin as a rail… _And he was quick._

As soon as Devlin made a move to shove him, Crewe stepped to one side and pulled him forward with one hand on the back of the kid’s neck. Devlin fell face first into the iron bars at the foot of Jessy’s bed. 

She let out a small squeak as she flinched back toward the pillow, then her eyes widened when the boy picked himself up onto his knees in a daze with a huge red mark already visible under the fingertips of one hand.

Another kid, a tall skinny girl named Garcia, hauled back to punch Crewe… And her arm was caught by Kells. 

“That’s enough, children.” He glared at them all, even the recruits who weren’t part of anything. 

_Even Jessy._

She didn’t do anything! She tried to get them to stop… 

“I think it’s time for a team building exercise.” Kells grinned just as a flash of white lightning lit up the windows.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - 

****

Two groups of them stood out in the rain, in the middle of the night, lit only by a training yard lamp post and angry flashes of lightning.

Kells had placed Lucci in the same group of kids that had been fighting. Garcia, Devlin, Romanov and Crewe all stood in line in their group of sixteen while the other group of fifteen glared at them from across the training yard. They were not happy. 

Nobody was happy. 

Jessy just wanted to sleep. 

“In front of you…” Kells strode up and down the middle of their lineups, “Are twelve wooden planks.” 

Lucci glanced down at the six rectangle planks laid out in front of each line of recruits. _This couldn’t be good._ She had a thought of the groups throwing them at one another. 

“When I say, you will be tasked with getting your team onto those planks. We will not go back inside until every one of you is stable on those planks.” Kells paused as a loud clap of thunder struck overhead and the light rain became a downpour. “Do you understand?”

“Yes, Sir!”

_No, not really._

Jessy stared at the team across from her. What sort of exercise was this? There were no rules, just an expectation. A strange expectation. 

“One more thing, kids…” Kells took a few large steps back and out of the way, “The losers get an extra special prize.” He crossed his arms and his face became dead-serious. “Get your ate up asses on that wood.”

Immediately, Garcia and Romanov ran to the other team’s planks and snagged three before their team retaliated and a little fight broke out. 

Lucci froze. “I don’t think that’s how we’re supposed to--” Her tiny voice was drowned out by the storm and shouting. 

“Get your dumb asses back here!” Crewe grabbed another recruit by the back of his shirt as the kid tried to go across the yard to the other team to steal more planks. 

Devlin just stood to the side and laughed at the chaos.

Garcia stomped up to Crewe with a plank in her hand and lifted it as a threat, “Nobody put you in charge, fuckstick.”

“I’m putting myself in charge. Someone has to be.” He reached out and snatched the plank out of her hand as the rest of the team returned. 

They had two extras stolen from the other side. 

“Give those back, Romanov.” Crewe tucked the plank up under one arm and pointed with his other hand.

“Fuck you.” He clutched the stolen planks tightly. “Faster we get this done, faster we can get the fuck inside.”

Jessy glanced over at Kells. He was quietly watching everything. He knew they’d fight. He probably knew exactly how everything would go. 

“Um…” Lucci squeaked then cleared her throat, “Think we’re all actually… One team.”

Crewe raised an eyebrow and made a motion to her with a hand. “See, there ya go.” He pointed again, “Now give those back, asshat.”

Romanov growled and turned around. He chucked the planks at the other team angrily and was met with a chorus of cuss words. When he turned back, he glared right at Jess. 

She shrank back and took an instinctive step behind Crewe. Why was Romanov mad at her? She didn’t do anything! 

_Easy target._

The team started to gather around Crewe to listen to what he had to say. “Oldest team building game in the book, boys and girls…” He rubbed his hands together, “Pyramid.”

One of the recruits held a plank up. The rectangles were about a foot long and maybe half that wide. “How the hell?”

“Easy.” Crewe pulled his plank from under his arm and held it out long ways in two hands. He held tight and smirked at Romanov, “Have at it, tough guy.”

The boy didn’t even hesitate. Romanov pulled back and punched the wood through the center and snapped it right in half. 

“You want more planks, there ya go.” Crewe handed him one of the halves.

Lucci glanced over to Kells. Were they breaking rules?

He was smiling faintly. _Smiling._ Jessy hadn’t been sure if that man even knew how to smile like that. 

The kids must have done something right. Jess felt better… Despite the cold rain soaking through her clothes.

The other team was squabbling among themselves trying to come up with a good idea to get everyone on their planks. 

Devlin snorted a laugh at them, “Dumb asses. We got this.”

Crewe whistled sharply to get their attention and motioned to a couple recruits on his team breaking boards.

“Don’t fucking show them!” Devlin growled.

Crewe stepped to the side and revealed Jess, who was still shadowing behind the larger boy. “Lucci.” He pushed her towards Devlin, “Tell him.”

“We’re all… um…” She glanced over her shoulder at Crewe. “We’re--”

“What?! Use your fucking words, kid.” Garcia leaned closer to listen to Jessy stammer.

“We’re all on the same side!” Jessy blurted out as the other recruit yelled at her.

“You children wanna get this done sometime tonight?” Kells yelled through the rain, “I don’t know about you, but I’d like to sleep.” He grinned, “You all have ten minutes to wrap this shitshow up.”

The other team started to break their boards and Jessy’s team began laying theirs out on the wet ground. 

It was Devlin, strangely, who stepped up and started directing the bigger people along the bottom of their pyramid, knees and hands on the wood. 

Lucci smiled to herself. She’d be on top. She looked at the other team who was starting to do the same. They didn’t really have any small people… And her team only had two big kids.

She tapped Crewe on the arm, “We should trade some people.”

He watched the other team and nodded, “I know.” He turned his attention back to Devlin, who had put their two big kids in the middle and was directing the others up on their backs. 

He knew, but he didn’t do anything about it. Jessy wrinkled her nose at him. From what she had watched of his leadership ability, Crewe could easily make them trade if he wanted to. 

She should have called him out on it. 

Instead, Jessy kept her mouth closed as she watched him climb up onto the pyramid.

“Lucci! Get your fat ass up here!” Garcia barked from the top. 

“I’m not…” Jessy shook her head and started climbing up the soaking wet recruits. 

This was something she could do. Easily. She scrambled up to the top quickly and apologized quietly to Garcia as she straddled her back.

The kids underneath her started to laugh at the other team as they worked to complete their pyramid. They were struggling because of all their heavy kids, but they were getting it done. Lucci watched with some frustration as the other pyramid wavered under the weight of the last kids awkwardly climbing the top. 

She could feel theirs trembling underneath her. 

Jess swung her leg off her mount and took a step down. She had to go help that other team. They were taking too long and her side was going to collapse just as theirs would if something wasn’t done about it.

“Don’t you fucking dare!” Garcia hissed at her.

Hesitantly, Jessy climbed back up and sat down once more. 

Kells stepped up between the two pyramids and gave a slow clap. “Bravo.” He looked from one to the other, “These are the best piles of shit I’ve ever fucking seen.” He strode to the end of Lucci’s pyramid and smiled up at Crewe in the top center. “Think you did good, recruit?”

Lucci’s pyramid let out a few cheers underneath her as Crewe nodded, “Yes, Sir.”

Kells stood silently as the rain poured down… And the other pyramid collapsed.

The recruits under Jessy laughed and cheered louder…

Until Kells kicked the arm out from under a bottom recruit and they all came tumbling down. 

They all rolled around, groaning in pain. Jessy was still sitting on top of the heap, just fine… But she was sure there had to be a few broken bones underneath her. 

In the heap of cussing and moaning kids, Devlin laughed, “We still won!”

Kells leaned forward toward him and his grin disappeared, “Wrong. You’re all fucking losers.”

And Devlin’s laughter came to an abrupt halt.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****


	6. The Ties That Bind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garcia stood next to her and spoke quietly, “all these girls are here now because of you.”
> 
> “I know…” she sighed and glanced down at her boots. “But you’re the one who said--”
> 
> “We’re all here because of _you.”_ She crossed her arms, but she didn’t look too angry. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but the opportunity presented itself because of you.”
> 
> “Yeah, thanks for that.” Lucci gave a small huff...  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

DI Kells stood up on top of a foot locker with his hands resting behind his back as he eyed the mess of soaking wet recruits on the floor. They sat close together in a line along the walkway between the bunks as he spoke down at them.

"You will not pass the recruitment tests unless you learn to work as a team. You will share your victories alongside your defeats. Put aside your petty differences.” He paused to look them all over. “Either you all achieve greatness or you all suffer your shortcomings. I will not allow the Brotherhood to be corrupted with individuals, non team players or toxic leadership.” Kells pointed down at them sternly, emphasizing his sharp words, “there are only two things I cannot force you to have. Heart and integrity. You must want those for yourselves. I don't want 100 percent from you. I want anything and everything you've got."

The resounding ‘yes Sir’ was still loud, but tired. 

Kells hopped down off the locker and went to the end of the lineup. He reached down and tested the binds that had been placed around the ankles of two recruits, tying them together with about a foot of slack between them. Then he went down the line and tested the rest.

He had made the soldiers care for each other's wounds from the pyramid falls, and then he had paired everyone up and tied them together at the ankle. 

Lucci eyed her partner cautiously. It was Garcia. And she had been glaring at Jessy every chance she got to look away from Kells. 

Jessy looked away from her at the others. Because there was an odd number of recruits, Crewe had been tied into the middle of two other boys… Romanov and Devlin. She hoped they wouldn’t fight, those three could do a lot of damage and they all seemed to have really bad tempers. 

“You are all free to go to sleep.” Kells glanced up at a clock as he climbed into his own bed, “and I suggest you take the opportunity ASAP because tomorrow’s going to be action packed with fun and excitement.” He laid back and put his hands behind his head comfortably. “Nighty-night, kids.”

Garcia stood up and took a step with her long legs, pulling Jessy to her feet with no prompting whatsoever. They awkwardly made their way to Lucci’s bed and she climbed up on it. Jessy scrunched her face up and looked at the wet soldier in her bed then eyed the others trying to fit themselves into one bed per pair. At least Jessy was tiny, she’d fit. Although, Garcia had taken her pillow and wouldn’t let her go get another.

She looked over at Crewe’s trio. They were arguing. Well, Romanov and Devlin were arguing, Crewe was glaring at them. They couldn’t fit in a bed together. 

After a moment of bickering, Crewe forced them forward and had them pull the mattresses off two beds and lay them down on the floor. They all laid down sideways on the two mattresses. 

Lucci smiled a little. Crewe was really clever. Garcia moved and elbowed her in the back and Jessy wished she could find the way to get her partner to do what Crewe had done. She was so tired at that point it almost didn’t matter anyway.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - 

****

One good thing about being tied to other recruits, Jessy supposed, was that it forced them to learn how to march in unison really well. Even though Lucci had really short legs and Garcia had super long legs, they stepped in time nicely.

The morning was rough, though. They were allowed to change their clothes as best they could while tied together, which meant they all still wore the same pants as the night before… And Jessy didn’t know about anyone else, but hers were still a little damp in some places. 

Didn’t matter… Marching in the hot sun dried them quickly. 

“What the fuck is your problem?” Garcia glared down at Jessy as she started to faulter in her steps.

She looked down and mumbled quietly, “I have to pee.”

Her partner grumbled, but didn’t say anything else. Jessy had seen some of the boys go off to pee while tied together with not much hesitation, but then there were some girls tied together who seemed to be in about the same predicament as Jessy and tried to hold it rather than pee while attached to someone. There was one girl tied to a boy and Jessy was glad that wasn’t her.

After a couple more minutes of trying to focus on the DI and trying to do the things he was instructing while also holding her pee, Garcia finally spoke in a nearly normal, not angry, tone, “me too.” 

Kells eyed them for a moment from up front then stopped everyone and made them all stand at attention. He stalked up to Lucci and folded his arms.

“What is your malfunction, recruit?” He was loud so that everyone heard him.

“Nothing, Sir.”

He tilted his head slightly and narrowed his eyes, “nothing? Then am I to believe that you are fucking up because you’re a dumb shit who just doesn’t know what the hell you’re doing?”

“No, Sir.”

“Are you fucking up on purpose, recruit?”

“No, Sir.” A lump rose in her throat and she swallowed it down.

Kells raised his voice and yelled in her face, “then what the actual fuck is your problem?”

She nearly peed. 

Garcia spoke up loudly from beside her, “Lucci needs to piss, Sir.”

Kells didn’t take his eyes from Jessy as he spoke, “I didn’t ask you a goddamn thing, Garcia. If this recruit needs something, she needs to learn how to use her big girl voice and speak the fuck up.”

Jessy took a breath and spoke, not as loudly as she should have, “I need to pee, Sir.” She lowered her voice even more, “permission to pee, Sir.” That had been really embarrassing. 

“What was that?” He cupped a hand behind one ear and pretended he didn’t hear.

She took a breath and yelled, “permission to pee, Sir!” And that was even more embarrassing. 

“Permission to _pee?”_ Kells stood up straight. “Garcia, you better hold her hand, I’m not sure this recruit can handle going pee-pee all by herself.” 

Lucci clenched her teeth together as Garcia took her hand tightly. She didn’t really care anymore, she really needed to go and felt like she was going to burst any second.

Kells took three big steps backward and eyed the rest of the line. “Does anyone else require a potty break?”

A couple of the girls sounded out, ‘yes, Sir’. 

Lucci ducked her head as she made her way to the bathroom with the other recruits behind her. She was scared they were all going to yell at her for what had just happened. And Garcia had to go, too… But she threw Jessy right in the DI’s path to be yelled at instead of speaking up. Garcia let her take the brunt of his anger without being accountable, herself. But she _did_ speak up and, for that, Jessy was a little grateful. 

One of the girls that had to go was the one tied to the boy. Lucci eyed them as she made it to the bathroom and was about to let them go before her, still afraid they were all angry with her, but Garcia drug her in by the hand first. 

Jessy didn’t hesitate to sit down on the toilet as Garcia stood next to her and spoke quietly, “all these girls are here now because of you.”

“I know…” she sighed and glanced down at her boots. “But you’re the one who said--”

“We’re all here because of _you.”_ She crossed her arms, but she didn’t look too angry. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but the opportunity presented itself because of you.”

“Yeah, thanks for that.” Lucci gave a small huff as she stood and allowed Garcia to take her turn.

She looked up at Jessy and flashed a smug grin, “no, thank _you.”_

Jessy pursed her lips for a moment and looked away from the girl. 

“So, when you’re the reason for shit like this, you take your damn turn first.” She stood up and adjusted her pants, “you earned that shit, don’t you think?”

She eyed the girl cautiously and mumbled, “I guess.”

“You fucking _guess?”_ Garcia snorted, “stop letting people push you around, kid. Stand up for yourself.”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - 

****

Later that day, Kells made them run through parts of an obstacle course with their rifles. They had to run to holes in the ground and duck inside, then quickly scramble out of them and run on to other holes and repeat. There were also large logs they had to climb over and she was nearly dumped on her face a few times as she scrambled to get over while Garcia could almost just step over the whole thing in one nice stride.

That’s when being tied to Garcia became a real problem. 

Kells insisted that, if they could do this tied to someone, then they’d be pro at doing it without. 

Lucci didn’t see that reasoning. All she felt like she was learning while being tied to a long legged fast girl was how to desperately stay on her feet while the girl drug her along. 

Half of the pairs did just as badly. Many of them fell and were hurt. More than once. Crewe lined his two guys out real quick… He told them that if they made him fall, he was going to beat the two of their heads together. The other boys agreed and said the same thing back. The three of them worked really well together. 

Jessy wished she was tied to someone so cooperative like Crewe. Even though he was a boy. She supposed it could have been worse, though. A couple of pairs ended up fighting. Physically. Kells made them do push-ups side by side until all the fight was worn out of them. Then they had to run through the foxholes and logs extra times. 

She found a little victory in the parts where they had to crawl under wires and climb up a rock wall. Garcia sucked at those. Lucci felt really frustrated when the other girl couldn’t keep up or do it correctly and she suddenly realized that’s how Garcia must have felt as they did foxholes and logs. 

“Look,” Lucci pointed to some of the larger rocks sticking out of the climbing wall, “we have to pay attention to these bigger rocks that we can both fit our feet on.” She glanced down at Garcia’s large boots, “and if there isn’t one available, I’m going to just have to use your foot.”

“You’re gunna step on my feet? How about I use your feet, instead?” She smirked, “I mean, since you’re so fat and all, dunno if I can take the weight.”

Jessy wrinkled her nose at the girl. “I’m not fat!” 

Garcia laughed and nudged her up the wall.

The girl actually did like Lucci suggested and she suddenly realized that Garcia had been joking with her. Was that how the girl made friends? She was careful to step on her entire boot and not smash her toes as they went and a couple of the other kids saw them and tried to do the same thing. She remembered how Crewe got everyone to work together with the boards and she glanced down from the top of the wall at some other soldiers.

“Put your hand on your partner’s hand if you really have to…” She spoke down at them quietly.

Garcia paused on the wall and shook her head at Lucci, “they can’t hear your tiny little mousy-baby voice.”

Lucci blinked at her for a moment then repeated what she had said… Louder. Then she ducked behind the wall and started climbing down the opposite side to escape their eyes on her.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucci was getting really good at eating super fast. She didn’t care what was on her tray anymore. She still never got to finish the food before Kells, but she was starting to be able to get more than half down and feel more full. Jessy was thankful that the food was always something mushy that she didn’t need to really chew. She had to giggle a little at that thought, she had never really liked mushy food before.

At the end of the night, Kells untied everyone and allowed them to sleep. He congratulated everyone on working together, even though he had called it a _‘shitshow’._ Was that actual praise from him or was he being sarcastic? From what she saw, nobody worked that well together until toward the end of the day and even then people were sloppy because they wouldn’t communicate with one another. 

She was pretty sure the only reason they had stopped fighting and trying to hurt one another was only because they were exhausted. 

Lucci realized that the best way to get people to stop fighting was to wear them out entirely until they couldn’t move to throw a punch, or exhaust their brains to the point of not caring. 

As she lay down on her, still slightly damp, mattress, Jessy let out a small contented sigh. She was so tired, but she felt like she accomplished a lot. After being tied to Garcia all day, she found that the girl wasn’t so scary any more. She was just extremely confident and bold. The girl had a lot of anger inside and Lucci wondered what sort of home she had come from that she acted like that. She started to wonder about all of the other kids. She wondered about Crewe the most.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****


	7. Pulling Punches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucci’s eyes widened as she stared at Romanov. He was going to kill her with a fork full of smashed tatos. She could already imagine it. There were other Senior Knights standing around, maybe they’d make sure nobody died. When she joined the Brotherhood, she had never thought in a million years that she’d be given a discharge for injuries sustained while _eating._  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

The following couple of days was mostly weapon training and combat. There was also another obstacle course with more stuff on it that they could have never done while tied together. There was a really high wall that they all had to get over and, to do that, they had to help one another. _Willingly._

But they did it… Without fighting. The kids were competitive, but still helped each other over the wall. Because Lucci was so tiny, she wasn’t expected to boost anyone up or pull anyone over the top. That made her feel a little bad about herself. She wanted to help and be useful to the team. She felt like more of a burden at the wall than a real help. 

Crewe boosted her up to Romanov above her and she took his hand. She tried not to look at his face for fear he’d be glaring at her for being useless. But he wasn’t glaring. She was also afraid he would drop her… But he didn’t do that either. He helped her up and over without a word. 

The same thing happened with Devlin. Though, Devlin did say things. The boy was really talkative. He had taken to teasing her the same way Garcia had.

“Up and over, fatty.” He laughed at one point. 

Every time he’d make a teasing remark to her, she rolled her eyes. 

When Devlin made a remark to Garcia, that girl bit back.

As they were standing at their tables in the mess after eating, Devlin leaned close to her and spoke quietly, “you’re real good at shoving things in your mouth…”

She kept her eyes forward and her hands on her empty tray as she spoke back, “ya like that? You should see how I eat your mom’s pie.”

Lucci stood across from them and stared at the girl. _Wow._

Romanov snickered and two other boys turned their heads to look at Devlin, who was making a face at Garcia. 

He didn’t get the opportunity to talk back to Garcia, Kells had noticed them speaking out when they shouldn’t have been.

“Problem with the food, children?” He spoke rather calmly. 

All five of them, including Lucci and Crewe beside her, stood up straighter and spoke in unison, “no, Sir.”

Kells had to have been able to hear what they said. That man had superhuman hearing, it seemed. He nodded quietly to himself and turned to put his tray up and all the recruits followed behind. 

Lucci wasn’t sure, but she thought she caught a hint of amusement on his face. That was never good, she was beginning to quickly learn.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Paladin Gunny arrived one afternoon to watch Kells. Or help him. Or something. Mostly he stood around and scowled at everyone. There was a Knight with him and every so often, Gunny would point at a recruit or two and say something to the Knight, who would write some things down on a clipboard.

Lucci really started to wonder about it when she had been pointed out two times.

One time she had been pointed to, she wasn’t doing anything other than standing at attention with the others. The second time, she was doing some light sparring with partners. They were going over movements slowly with one another and taking turns doing the things Kells had taught them. Her partner, at that moment, was Romanov. He was really competitive and liked to show off. 

They were supposed to be going slow just to practice the hand movements, but he went a little faster than he should have been. Probably because that Paladin was watching. He was a lot bigger than her and had some apparent experience with fighting. Lucci had none. 

When the Paladin pointed out Crewe during the combat training, Crewe caught it and glared at the man. Then he started to mess up what he was doing. 

Kells stalked up to Crewe after a Senior Knight had attempted to correct the mistakes. Lucci watched and cringed inside as she figured Kells was about to yell and humiliate Crewe. But he didn’t. Kells stepped really close to the boy and spoke quietly to him, instead. 

All Jessy heard was Crewe saying ‘yes, Sir’ then stepping back into position to continue on. He did better after that. He must have said something encouraging. 

Romanov tapped her in the cheek with his elbow a little hard and she glared at him. It had been the sixth time he’d hit her too hard. 

“Stop it.” She spoke quietly, “we’re supposed to be practicing.”

He snorted and didn’t slow down any as he tapped her forehead with his palm to mock her. “If you don’t like it, don’t let me hit you.”

She huffed at him. She had been _trying_ to keep him from hitting her. 

He tapped her again, a little too hard, on the side of the head and she started to get really irritated with him. 

Lucci clenched her teeth and hissed, “stop it!”

“Make me.” It only encouraged him. 

She really wanted to hit him in the face. Unfortunately, he was tall. And quick. And better at fighting than she was. She started to get so angry at him that her actions got sloppy as all she could focus on was trying to hit his stupid face. 

After a couple minutes of that, SK Jones approached and corrected the two of them. She was glad it hadn’t been Kells. He was busy yelling at some other pair. But he did notice what had been going on. That man saw everything. 

She glanced over at Gunny, who had been watching her, and she felt really embarrassed about doing so bad and then having a little outburst. The Knight next to Gunny wrote something down and she knew it had to have been about her.

They switched her partner. Rather, Kells had taken her by the upper arm and plopped her down in front of another boy in a really humiliating way. 

Lucci glanced up sheepishly at Crewe. The very last thing she wanted was him being mean to her like Romanov had been. She wanted to hide. She sucked at this and she really liked Crewe. He was going to laugh at her. 

They began and he glanced sideways at the Paladin a few times before sighing and taking Lucci’s hands to position them better. He went slow, like he was supposed to, and corrected her constantly. 

After a few minutes he spoke quietly, “something you’re going to have to learn…” He blocked her punch easily as she still tried to focus on his face, even though there was no real way she could ever reach it, “if you're going to be so hellbent on hitting someone’s face, you’re going to have to bring their face to you, not the other way around.”

She blinked at him. 

“It only takes about seven pounds of pressure to break a knee.” He grinned. “And you can definitely reach knees.”

They had gone over knees. And throats. And the solar plexus. But Lucci was still stuck on punching people in their stupid faces. When she saw other people fight, that was what they did. Her brother punched her dad in the face once. She had seen fights in the market and all those people punched each other in the face. 

“Work with what you have, don’t try to do what other people do.” He seemed to read her thoughts. “Tall people do different things. You’re going to have to avoid long reach by fighting like a short person. Don’t fight people on their terms, always take that fight and make it yours by making the rules.” 

Crewe spun around and used one large leg to sweep her feet out from under her, then caught her by the wrist before she hit the ground. He pulled her back up and smiled, “also, there’s no such thing as a fair fight. Fight dirty. Always.”

He glanced over at the Paladin again and his smile faded as Gunny nodded appreciatively and said something to the Knight beside him. After that, Crewe stopped talking and went back to slow basic movements. 

That really made Lucci wonder about him. And she wanted to practice with him more.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

That evening in the mess, Kells stopped everyone before they got their food.

He clapped his hands loudly and rubbed them together with a grin, “everyone pick a partner.”

They hesitated for a moment in confusion. Some kids eyed one another with some apprehension trying to decide who to pick. A couple actually started moving toward one another.

Then Kells started counting backwards from fifty. 

Way faster than seconds went. 

And everyone suddenly scrambled. 

Crewe chose Lucci. She wanted to think it was because he liked her, but it was probably just because they had been standing close when Kells started counting. 

Kells smiled and nodded to himself as he eyed the pairs. 

Jessy cringed. That man’s smile was almost scarier than his yelling. _Almost._

He called out names and made them step forward. Lucci was one of them. Then he pondered those people for a moment before taking them by their arms and escorting them to stand beside different people. He rearranged everyone’s original choices. 

Kells grinned, “much better, don’t you think?”

Lucci glanced at Romanov beside her. No. Not much better. 

“Yes, Sir.” They all sounded out. “Thank you, Sir.”

 _Why was she thanking him?_ She didn’t even know, but the response was starting to become second nature.

The odd man, this time, was Devlin and Kells took him to stand by his own side. Sucks to be Devlin, probably. 

They went about getting their food like normal after that, but he made the pairs sit across from one another. And then Kells strode behind the soldiers on one side of the benches. He started with Romanov.

Kells took a strip of cloth from a Senior Knight and blindfolded the boy, then moved to the next kid over. 

Lucci stared at Romanov across from her. Something terrible was probably about to happen. 

When he finished blindfolding half the recruits, Kells sat down across from Devlin and spoke, “you are all going to need to learn to communicate with one another and lay some trust down. You will need to learn to trust your brothers and sisters, even if you don’t particularly like them.” He eyed a couple of recruits specifically who had physically fought more than the others. "You need to learn to communicate effectively with one another. Communication is pivitol to good teamwork."

Jessy realized Kells had paired up everyone according to who hated each other. She didn’t exactly hate Romanov, but he was definitely not her favorite recruit and it was pretty easy to tell that the feeling went both ways. She looked down the table at Crewe who was blindfolded across from Garcia. He didn’t really seem to care what was going on, he sat just as he would have any other day. Garcia was hiding a smirk, though. 

“Those of you who can still give stink eye glances to your partners will be tasked with directing the blind molerat in front of you as they spoon feed this shit on a shingle into your back talking mouths.” Kells let that sink in for a second before emphasizing the next words dangerously, “you will _not_ move your hands off the table. You will _not_ lift your asses off these seats. You will verbally direct your partner to the best of your ability to come to you and hope like hell they don’t stab your eyes out with a fork. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Sir!”

Lucci’s eyes widened as she stared at Romanov. He was going to kill her with a fork full of smashed tatos. She could already imagine it. There were other Senior Knights standing around, maybe they’d make sure nobody died. When she joined the Brotherhood, she had never thought in a million years that she’d be given a discharge for injuries sustained while _eating._

“And good news, children,” Kells continued, “you get extra time to eat today.” He glanced to the clock, “ten minutes sound fair?”

“Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir.”

He blindfolded himself and barked, “chow down!”

The kids who could see started talking and some were frustrated right from the start. _Lucci was frustrated._ She didn’t know how to direct people to do things. She wished Crewe was on the other side so she could listen to how he did it. And since Kells was blindfolded, too, she couldn’t get any hints from him, either. 

Garcia was loud. And surprisingly more helpful than Lucci thought she’d be. 

_‘they can’t hear your tiny little mousy-baby voice.’_

“Two o’clock… No… wait, my two… Your… uh,” Jessy looked at the clock on the wall, “eight.” She curled her fingers into frustrated fists against the table. “No, the other way… Eight O’clock is the other way… whatever, just…”

Romanov grumbled and slid the fork across the whole tray in front of him to get whatever he could with it. He ended up with an enormous pile of tatos and chunks of chopped gravy steak. It dripped off the fork into plopping piles on the table between them as he reached toward her with it. 

At first, she flinched away. “Please don’t stab me…”

“Well, open your mouth. If you even know how.” 

“That’s too much food…” She sighed and leaned toward his unmoving hand in front of her. As soon as he felt her touch the fork, he pressed it against her face and chuckled. 

Lucci started to lift her hand to wipe the crap off her nose and chin, but one of the Senior Knights shook his head at her. 

They went again and Romanov did the same thing, then laughed a little louder. 

“Keep laughing, I bet my turn is next.” Lucci glared at him and shook the food from her face like a dog.

He smirked, “not really worried… Not like you can find my face even without the blindfold.”

“Pretty sure I can find your face blindfolded, you have a really big head.” She quietly replied.

Romanov laughed loud at that.

He started to cooperate more, even though Jessy struggled to find directional words to guide him. He wasn’t very good at them, everything he did was either backward or he just had no idea what she meant when she used numbers. She only got about six actual good bites before Kells switched them. When the DI gave them ten minutes to eat, he had meant that they each get five. 

Then she was blindfolded. 

Lucci really tried hard to hide her little half grin as she stared at Romanov before her eyes were covered. She couldn’t help it. She told him. He had smirked back at her. She really wanted to just throw the entire tray at him, but she also wanted to show him up and do it better than he did. 

She thought it would be scary and confusing to be blindfolded like that, but she wasn’t afraid. Lucci had a really good sense of where people were around her, even when her eyes were closed. She figured it came with being so jumpy and afraid of everyone. But she also knew exactly where everything around her was. The tray. The food. The fork. Romanov’s big fat head. 

Jessy could feel people at the table moving. She could tell when they sat back or leaned forward. Her mind went back to a time where she was in a vertibird with Joey. The first time. The second time. _Every time._ Feeling the rotors pitch. The ground fall beneath them. The air outside pushing against the metal frame. Every different speed. Joey said it was a rare sense, to be able to feel everything like that. It didn’t feel rare, it felt like what she had always felt. 

She was short and couldn’t quite reach her partner’s mouth without him helping her, but that didn’t matter. She could feel him lean toward her. The fork in her hand immediately became a part of her and she knew exactly where the end was as if it were her own fingertips. Just like every inch of a vertibird. He didn’t say much of anything, and that didn’t matter either. 

They quickly fell into a great rhythm of her scooping up a medium sized bite, reaching and leaning toward one another, and pausing at the right moments. She was even proud of herself for not leaning her shirt into the food like some people had done. 

Lucci also had a pretty good sense of time. Around four minutes, she scooped up tatos and meat, reached toward him, then suddenly turned her wrist and smacked him across the face with the entire thing.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

After a few days, Kells started letting the recruits talk at the end of the day before bed. They’d stopped fighting with one another, mostly, and some of them were even forming friendships.

Lucci felt very alone. She reverted immediately back to the little girl standing in the market square waiting for people to notice her and talk. 

She sat on her bunk and looked over at a couple other kids who seemed too shy to talk to anyone. The other outcasts like herself. 

Crewe had made friends with Devlin and Romanov. She had no idea how that had happened since they started out fighting with each other. But _everyone_ seemed to like Crewe. Jessy definitely liked him. She wanted to talk to him, but the other two boys were always around. 

Romanov had nearly jumped over the table the day she hit him in the face with food and SK Jones had stopped him. Now Lucci was more than a little scared of that boy. She shouldn’t have done it, but she just couldn’t help herself at the time. He started it and he deserved it.

Lucci slid off her bed and caught Crewe as he was leaving the bathroom.

“Hey.” She tried to be cool and confident but had no idea what to do with her hands or how to stand. 

“S’up?” He smiled down at her casually. 

Now she wasn’t sure how to say what she wanted. “Um… Thanks for helping me with combat and stuff.”

He gave a little nod, “no prob. You better learn to fight if you’re going to go around poking bears.” He glanced up at Romanov across the room and smiled, “that was funny, though.”

“Yeah…” She ran her hand over the back of her shaved head, “about that…” Jessy hesitated as she looked up at him, “can you… help me some more?”

Crewe regarded her for a moment. “Yeah… I _can_ …”

“Will you? Please?” He didn’t reply so she got nervous and started to ramble a bit, “I noticed you don’t like to show off… Or show off to the Knights and stuff… But maybe in private or something. Nobody will have to see or anything. Or know. Or--”

“Sure. I’ll help you.” He cut her off. “But you’re going to have to figure out a time and place for that shit. I’m not going to do it in here.” He raised an eyebrow at her, “and you’re going to have to pay me for my time.”

Lucci blinked up at him stupidly. “I don’t have any caps…”

He shrugged, “I’ll take candy.”

“I don’t have candy.” 

“Doesn’t exactly sound like my problem.” When she frowned at him he shrugged, “or learn on your own. I’m sure you’ll get it eventually.”

And with that, he walked off to leave Jessy standing there nearly pouting after him trying to figure out how the heck she was supposed to get candy… And figure out a time and place to train with him.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****


	8. Shakedown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kells was going to yell at her. He was going to be disappointed. Everyone was going to stare at her. She suddenly had to pee really bad.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  
****

****

###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

As Lucci was working to figure out some way to get Crewe to help her, she started noticing a lot more little things going on around her with the other recruits. Spending much too long in the bathroom at night for some reason, couples who were obviously dating lingering outside for a few minutes together before lights out, recruits giving one other treats as payment for something or other… She caught Garcia pocketing a wrapped snack cake at chow.

 _That’s what Crewe wanted._

She stood at chow a few times and stared at her treats, trying to work up the nerve to pocket the things like Garcia had done. Kells had to know what was going on with what the recruits did, he knew everything. Always. But he allowed the things to happen for some reason. Maybe it wasn’t such a big deal. Or maybe he’d discipline the heck out of them later on for everything all at once. Everything that man did was a test of some sort, she knew. 

Kells had told them all on day one never to steal. _Was it still stealing if it was your own food?_

Maybe she was just overthinking it all. Lucci took a breath and grabbed the cake off her tray and tried to be discreet as she tucked it away in her pants pocket. 

She wasn’t very good at it, though. Crewe saw from down the table and he grinned at her for a moment before continuing to shovel food in his mouth. 

Nobody else seemed to notice. Lucci felt a little stab of adrenaline from it and she smiled to herself. That had been easy enough and didn’t harm anyone. 

She wondered how many cakes would be good payment for Crewe’s help. She mentally laughed at the idea of treats being used like caps. But that was apparently how things worked around here, since none of them were given any actual money. 

Back home, her father had given certain people crops as payment for fixing things around the house. It made sense. A bushel of tatos was good payment for fixing their refrigerator, so maybe two treats per session would be okay for Crewe.  
  
 ****

****

###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - -**

Roadblock number two was trying to figure out how to find time with him.

When couples would linger outside before lights, they were only allowed to remain missing for ten minutes before someone would notice and go looking for them. And if someone stayed in the bathroom for too long before lights, other kids would get irritated with them because they needed to use it. But, after lights out, some kids could hide out in the bathroom for a good forty-five minutes before anyone would care. Sometimes longer. 

Lucci stood in the bathroom one night and tried to figure out what kids were doing in there for so long. There was nothing in there. Her eyes moved from the toilet, to the sink, the small window, the lightbulb--

The window. 

_They were leaving._ She laughed quietly. 

Lucci climbed up on the sink and poked her head out the small window. There were pipes sticking out on the backside of the barracks. That’s how they did it. She eyed them and wondered if she could actually reach the window from those pipes. Didn’t matter, there wasn’t any other way.

“Well, aren’t you a smart cookie.” A voice in the darkness outside startled her.

“I um…” 

She found him leaning against the wall near the corner of the building with his hands in his pockets.

Lucci suddenly grinned like a fool and climbed out the window. 

She stood triumphantly in front of Crewe. “Thanks.” Jessy tried to keep from acting too cocky about it, she wanted to play it cool, but she really was proud of herself for figuring it all out on her own. 

He held a hand out toward her expectantly and she suddenly lost her victorious smile as she patted her pockets. 

“I ah, forgot…” Crap. She found one cake from supper and pulled it out. She had meant to bring him more than one, but she wasn’t expecting to be out here with him this night.

Lucci handed the one cake over timidly and he took it by the corner of the wrapper and held it up. Crewe eyed the thing for a moment, then her. The cake had been smashed up pretty good in her pocket, and further smushed as she climbed through the window. 

“Sorry…” Lucci’s eyes fell on the toes of her boots sheepishly. 

He laughed and popped it open. “Cake is cake.” He smashed it into a ball and shoved the whole thing in his mouth. As he licked his fingers he spoke around the mouthful, “word of advice…” He swallowed and pointed at her with a wink, “never pay upfront.” Then he walked past her and set his hands on the window to hop back up.

“Wait!” She grabbed the back of his shirt. 

He paused and glanced over his shoulder at her hand. 

Lucci immediately let him go and stammered, “I um… I have more. I was going to give you two… Is two okay?” What a butthead. He really was going to trick her like that. However, she did just learn a very valuable lesson in life. Probably worth the cake.  
  
 ****

****

###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - -**

They stood out behind the DFAC illuminated only by the light of a full moon.

Lucci was nervous. The boy was a mystery. He looked harmless with his casual demeanor and dimpled goofy grin, but since day one she had watched him closely. She saw him fight, and do it for real, and knew he was dangerous. Even for a skinny fourteen year old. He was fast and smart. He knew how to fight and he didn’t seem to be afraid of anything. She wondered if he had killed anyone before.

And she had no idea what he thought of her. 

Crewe looked her up and down, “you’re getting the hang of self defense and shit, what do you want from me, exactly?”

“I don’t know…” She didn’t want to admit that she was afraid of some kids like Romanov. “I just…” She glanced down, “wanna know how you do what you do.”

“You’ll never be awesome like me.” 

She frowned at him and he grinned, “you gotta learn to be awesome in your own right.” 

Crewe tilted his head from side to side to size her up, “you have potential.” 

“Think so?” She stood a little taller. 

“Sure.” He shrugged, “everyone does.”

Lucci huffed and crossed her arms and he laughed. 

“They’re teaching us a lot of self defense and how to kill enemies… But the thing they’re lacking that you don’t seem to know shit about is real world scrapping.” He nodded to himself as he stated the obvious. “So I guess I could show you how to end a fight before it even starts.”

She grinned, “yes!” That was exactly what she needed.

“What you want to do is strike first. Hit them before they hit you and make that first hit count like your life depends on it.” He popped his knuckles and Lucci took a timid step back from him. “When words fail, do this…” Crewe put both hands out in front of him in a ‘calm down’ motion toward her. “This is a fence. Use it to create some distance and also, your hands are ready to fight. Then ask them a question, whatever question, to engage their brain. This distraction to their mind brings their guard down. When they open their mouth to talk…” He suddenly pounded a fist into his palm, “pop! Right in the fucking jaw.”

He laughed and she stared. 

“The not so subtle art of the sucker punch.” He grinned at her, “they won’t teach you that around here.” 

“How do you know all this stuff?” Lucci was still staring at him rather stupidly. 

“Shitty upbringing.” He got quiet for a moment then shrugged it off, “so you wanna practice that or what?”  
  
 ****

****

###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - -**

Over the next few meals, Lucci started to get better at hiding away her snacks. But she missed getting the treats herself. Cakes were her favorite thing. She then discovered that Crewe would accept anything so long as it contained sugar and that one cake could be traded for two cookies if you went to the right person.

The right person turned out to be Garcia. 

If Jessy could trade one cake for two cookies, she’d have more things to offer Crewe and maybe she would get to eat her own cakes every so often. He didn’t seem to care about the value of the items, he just wanted something sweet to eat.

She stood across the room looking at Garcia, steeling herself to go talk to her. This was trading and Lucci knew trading. That girl seemed to really respect confidence more than anything and, since Lucci wasn’t so scared of her anymore, she felt like she could fake it. Maybe. 

She took a breath and held her head up high then strode to Garcia’s bunk. 

_Speak first…_ “Hey.” Jessy tried to keep it cool. It almost worked. 

“S’up, bumpkin?” Garcia gave a smile that could quite possibly have been a smirk. 

_Confidence._ “I want to trade.”

Garcia looked her up and down, “what the hell makes you think I have anything worth trading?”

_You can do this._ “I know you do. One cake, two cookies.” Her hands started to tremble slightly as she tried to cement herself firmly in place. 

She blinked then suddenly pulled Lucci close and whispered in her ear, “you don’t know shit… But you have a deal.” Then she pushed her away without doing anything further. 

Lucci stared for a moment in a stupor then tried to wash the dumbfounded look off her face and she nodded before retreating back to her bunk. Walk slowly. She did something wrong. She wasn’t sure what it was, but she’d learn from it.  
  
 ****

****

###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - -**

Jessy learned later what she had done wrong.

Garcia didn’t keep her stash in the barracks. Lucci did. Mistake number one. 

Kells strode down the line of them as they stood at attention by the foot of their bunks. As he paced, other Senior Knights tore the place apart around them. 

They pulled mattresses and threw them aside, threw out the belongings in footlockers, took pillows from pillow cases, dumped out bags, overturned everything, and basically turned the place into the aftermath of a tornado. 

It was called a ‘shakedown’ but it reminded Jessy of what happens when raiders mess up little towns… Which was also sometimes called a shakedown. Raiders had messed up her town a few times. It was never good. She started breathing heavily as she watched them tearing through the barracks and throwing personal belongings around.

Raiders burned their crops once. One time they had ransacked her house. They’d take anything and everything they wanted and there was nothing anyone could really do to stop them. 

She looked to all the other recruits. Garcia was glaring at them. Crewe was staring blankly at nothing as though he had completely checked right out of his own mind. A couple people were panicking. 

They were panicked because they were hiding contraband. 

Lucci was sweating and her hands were in tight fists as she stood at attention. 

She hid her treats under the metal frame of her bed and as soon as they reached her bunk and threw her mattress off… They’d find them. There were five. No, six. How many were there? Did it even matter? One was too many. They came closer to her and pulled the mattress from the bunk next to hers and she closed her eyes when they found something. 

It was Larson’s bunk. 

SK Jones immediately started yelling at the boy and Kells came over. Jessy closed her eyes when Kells lit him up. 

They had found cigarettes. 

That was way worse than some treats. Maybe after that they’d go easy on her. At least she didn’t have cigarettes or anything too bad. She imagined what it was going to be like when they found them. Kells was going to yell at her. He was going to be disappointed. Everyone was going to stare at her. She suddenly had to pee really bad. 

Jones came to her bunk and dumped her footlocker. He tossed her clothes out on the floor. She swallowed a lump in her throat as she watched him out of the corner of her eye when she could see what he was doing. Then he moved behind her and she saw her pillow case tossed into the middle of the walkway. Then her pillow. Blankets. She could feel what he was doing… 

He flipped her mattress off the frame. 

Lucci held her breath. 

Then Jones walked past her across the walkway to the next aisle and started tearing that kid’s stuff apart. 

Jessy blinked at him as she watched. She wanted to turn around and look at her bunk. Did he not find her stash? How? It was right there! 

After they had gone down the entire line and made the biggest mess she’d ever seen, all the recruits got yelled at, even if they didn’t have anything to find. 

Then they had to clean up the mess. 

In under ten minutes. 

Lucci immediately turned around to her bed frame when she was allowed and she found… Nothing. 

All her treats were gone. She was both relieved and a little angry. Someone had stolen them. But it was for the best, she supposed. As Jessy rushed to clean the mess up, she silently thanked whoever the thief was. 

_She wondered who..._   
  
****

****

###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**


	9. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucci stared. Romanov was going to kill that boy right in front of everyone...
> 
>  _How could Kells allow this to happen?_ Jessy felt sick as she watched in disbelief and horror.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

They stood at attention out in a field with Kells up front just silently standing there. He didn’t speak for, what seemed like, forever. He just let all the kids stand there wondering what horrible lesson or punishment was about to happen to them.

Jones approached with a rifle that had a small scope fitted to it and he handed it to Kells. 

He turned the rifle over in his hands, examining it for a moment before looking at the lineup with an odd thoughtful expression on his face. 

Lucci cringed slightly. This was never good. 

“In optimal conditions, the human eye can see a candle flame in the dark upwards of over two klicks away. Almost three.” Kells stated. 

He held the gun out toward them. “This is an old bolt action K98k Mauser range rifle fitted with a shit-ass scope I found in a dumpster.” Kells pressed a finger against the small scope. “It has an effective range of around five hundred meters without the shit-scope and with a good one…” He took a step toward the lineup and looked straight at Larson, “I could effectively shoot the lit cigarette out of your dumbass mouth at eighteen hundred meters and leave nothing but a bloody stump on your shoulders.”

The color drained out of Larson’s face. 

He stepped backward away from the kid and spoke loudly, “would you like a demonstration, kids?” 

“Yes, Sir!”

Lucci found it so strange how she reflexively replied to things that weren’t even real questions. He was going to give them a demonstration whether they wanted it or not.

Kells held his hand out to Jones and the man handed him a cigarette and a book of matches. 

“Larson!” Kells barked.

The kid suddenly looked confused and terrified, but he spoke up and stepped forward when prompted, anyway. 

Kells handed him the cigarette and matches. “Take this, run your scrawny ass four hundred meters downrange, count to one hundred, then light this and put it in your festering cake hole and turn your ass sideways. Do you understand?”

Larson blinked at him as he took the items and remained silent. He was now much more afraid. 

“Is there a problem with the order, recruit?” Kells leaned closer to him, “can you not count to one hundred? It’s five twenty times.”

Larson shook his head ‘no’ then started nodding ‘yes’. “Sir?” He squeaked out.

“Yes?” Kells looked at him as though the kid were a simple student in a classroom with some trouble on a math problem.

“I don’t… I… Are you going to shoot me? I won’t do it again. I won’t smoke. I promise… Please don’t shoot me.” He started rambling out of fear and looked like he was about to cry.

Kells straightened up and snorted, “don’t be ridiculous, I’m not going to fire a weapon at you.” He waited for the kid to slightly relax before holding the rifle out toward the rest of the group, “who wants to play William Tell? It’s easy.”

Romanov and Devlin both spoke out immediately, and then three other kids followed. 

“Wow.” Kells grinned at Larson, “you sure have a lot of people who would like the opportunity to shoot you.”

There was a pause before Kells suddenly pointed downrange and barked at the kid, “run you skinny little fuckup!”

And Larson took off downrange. 

Kells watched him for a moment and laughed, “there goes a good soldier.” He turned to the rest of the lineup, “I expect the rest of you to follow orders, regardless of your fear. Trust in your superiors. When you are given an order you obey quickly because it could mean lives.” He held the rifle out to Romanov and the boy took it eagerly.

Lucci stared. Romanov was going to kill that boy right in front of everyone. He was the best shot among them and he could probably put a bullet right through Larson’s forehead from even farther away if he wanted to. _How could Kells allow this to happen?_ Jessy felt sick as she watched in disbelief and horror.

“Brotherhood Soldiers do not smoke or use chems of any kind.” Kells narrowed his eyes at them all. He’d stated this before, but apparently some kids liked to disobey and needed a really hard lesson. Getting shot for it seemed a little extreme, though. 

“A lit cigarette out in the field can put your life in danger. You need to be aware of shit like this.” He leaned closer to Romanov who was admiring the rifle in his hands and he yelled, “think!” 

Romanov jerked back to attention. 

Kells moved Romanov and made him lay prone in the grass then stood directly over him, a foot on each of his sides. They were all silent as Larson stood out among the targets in the field placed around at varying long distances and lit his cigarette. 

“One more thing.” Kells said, “never, I repeat _\--never--,_ fire a fucking weapon at your brothers and sisters. If I catch any of you even _thinking_ about aiming a fucking weapon in the general direction of any other soldier I will personally take it from you and use it to pistol whip the life out of your ate up ass.” He looked down at Romanov, “you got that, recruit?”

The boy under him hesitated only for a second before speaking loudly, “yes, Sir.”

Kells looked to the line up, “do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, Sir.”

He looked down at Romanov again and spoke calmly, “fire at will.”

And Romanov took a shot.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - - -**

“See that?” Kells pointed at the pinkish red splattered meaty mess and the kids all stared as they stood gathered around.

Romanov grinned smugly. He knew he was a great shot and liked attention being drawn to the fact. He’d often boasted about shooting molerats and bloatflies from incredible distances Lucci used to think were exaggeration, but after watching him shoot at long range targets over the weeks, she realized he probably hadn’t been exaggerating at all.

Lucci had suddenly become a little more afraid of him. 

Kells ran his hand through the mess, picked up a chunk, then flicked it at Larson, “that can of cram could have been your dumbass head.”

The poor kid didn’t need to be terrorized any further. He’d peed himself and nearly fainted when the shot rang out, even though Romanov had taken aim at the cram really far away from where Larson had been standing in the field. 

Lucci looked around at the kids. She was pretty sure none of them would ever even touch a cigarette for the rest of their lives after this day. She knew she wouldn’t. This had been the most effective lesson in not smoking she had ever witnessed.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucci flinched away again and hesitated as the boy attacking her with a knife took a swipe. She was supposed to be disarming him, but she was afraid of getting cut. It was stupid, the knives were really blunt training weapons, she couldn’t even cut a baked tato with one let alone her skin.

She was getting frustrated and the more flustered and upset she got about it, the more she messed up. 

They switched partners again and Crewe stepped up and grinned down at her. 

As they started once more, she found herself trying to step far away from him and his long arms then trying to go in and pin the knife hand. It didn’t work. He was really fast and stabbed her every time. 

“What did I tell you about people and long reach, shorty?” He said as he stabbed her again.

She slumped her shoulders, “get inside.” 

“So get inside!” 

She pointed at his weapon, “you’ll cut me.” 

“So? I’ll cut you worse if you don’t.” 

“So… I don’t want to get cut or stabbed!” She looked at him as if it were plainly obvious. Who would want to get cut or stabbed?

He shrugged, “It’s not so bad.”

“You’ve been stabbed?” She was skeptical.

Crewe snorted and lifted up his shirt. 

Lucci stared at him in disbelief. He had multiple scars on his body. Light, faded long slashes here and there and a couple newer small scars. One small scar above his hip looked like it was only maybe a month old and appeared to be a straight puncture wound. He _had_ been stabbed. More than once. 

He dropped his shirt and held his arms out and turned them over, showing off more light little slash scars that she only just now really noticed.

“Whenever you’re in a knife fight, you’re going to get cut. Count on it. If you count on it, you won’t fear it.” 

She nodded in understanding. Sure was easy for him to say. She’d never been cut by a knife before. She didn’t have any scars other than just silly childhood clumsiness stuff. She’d never even been really honestly hit before. 

They went at it a few more times and she improved only slightly. 

Their time together was almost up so Lucci glanced around and asked quietly, “can we work on this later?”

Crewe grinned at her, “we could… If you had something to pay me with.”

Lucci stared at him. “You took my stuff!” She hissed quietly. 

He leaned closer to her and winked, “you’re welcome.” 

Then he was moved to another partner.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

That night before lights, Lucci walked straight up to Crewe as he was leaving the bathroom.

“You’re going to work with me tonight.” She balled her fists up at her sides.

“Oh yeah?” He scoffed.

“Yes.” She was frustrated and a little angry at him.

He took the treats from under her bed and they were meant to be his payment so basically it was like paying him upfront. Though, he did tell her never to pay upfront. 

“You owe me six lessons.” She raised a hand to poke at his chest but stopped herself before she touched him.

“Five. I gave you a lesson earlier today. And I don’t owe you shit.”

“So you admit it then?” She crossed her arms to stop them from shaking. Her brain had only now just caught up to the fact that her body went rogue to confront this boy. _What was she doing?_

He raised an eyebrow and smirked, “I admit nothing.” 

She couldn’t tell if he was angry or amused and she suddenly felt a little sick at standing up to him. He was her friend though… Wasn’t he? She couldn’t tell that, either. 

“Well… Whatever.” Her voice started to waver, “I’ll meet you outside… In two hours.” She gave a curt nod then turned around and forced herself not to run as she went back to her bunk. 

She heard him laughing behind her.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucci sat on the ground for about twenty minutes feeling like a fool. She glanced up at the sliver of moonlight above and sighed to herself. Why did she think Crewe would actually meet her just because she told him to? She had been out of line. She shouldn’t have confronted him. Now he probably hated her.

He was her first and only friend here. Well, if he even was a friend. She liked to think he was. 

She stood up, dusted her pants off and made to leave. Just as she came around the corner of the building, a hand shot out toward her and she immediately grabbed it and twisted it around then kicked at the side of his knee. 

Crewe grabbed her foot and used his leg to sweep her other foot out from under her and she fell on her rump. 

“Nice reflexes.” He grinned as he reached a hand out to help her up. 

“Sorry I didn’t know it was you…” She rubbed the side of her thigh where it had hit the ground.

“Don’t be sorry. It doesn’t matter if it was me, you did good.”

“Did good falling on my butt.” She wrinkled her nose at him. 

He shrugged, “I would have knocked anyone on their ass.” He pointed at the ground, “look there.”

She glanced down and her eyebrows shot up, “was that in your hand?” She bent down and picked the knife up. It was sharp. Well, sharper than a training knife, anyway.

He laughed quietly and took it from her. 

“Did I do that?” She couldn’t believe it. 

He shrugged, “mostly.” 

_What was that supposed to mean?_

Crewe turned the knife around in his hand so that the blade was laying outward against his forearm and he smiled. “Now let’s see you do it again.” 

Then he took a swipe at her.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucci pulled her sleeve around and examined the cut in the fabric. She was going to be in trouble for messing up her clothes. She pulled the sleeve up and looked at the thin red line across her arm. It was just a scratch, really. A deep scratch. It hadn’t bled too much. It was the worst of the cuts he had given her.

“See? Not so bad.” Crewe sat down with his back comfortably against the building. 

She sat down next to him and continued poking at the cut. “It itches.”

“That’s just from the poison I put on the blade.” He grinned. 

“What?” She stared.

“What?” He echoed back. 

“You’re joking…”

He laughed, “guess you’ll find out.” 

She continued to stare at him. “That’s not funny.”

“Yes it is.” He pulled a cake from his pocket and unwrapped it. He tore it in half and handed her some. 

She took it a little timidly, “you’re sharing your cake with me?”

“Technically it was your cake so yeah.” He flashed a grin then popped the other half in his mouth. 

Lucci wrinkled her nose at him then took a bite. She couldn’t tell if he was a really mean kid or if this was what friends were supposed to be like. Sometimes he acted like Joey used to when he teased her. 

She looked down at the little bit of cake in her hands then slowly put it in her mouth and spoke quietly, “I’ll get you more.”

He turned his head and looked at her silently for a moment with no real expression on his face. “You don’t have to.” He shrugged. “I would’ve helped you for free.”

“Really?” She rubbed a hand over the back of her head. “Why?”

“Guess I don’t want to see you get yourself killed out here.” He picked up a rock from next to him and tossed it. “Did you come from a farm?”

Lucci gave a slow nod. How did he guess? Was he going to make fun of her for it?

“Why are you here?” He looked her up and down, “you’ve never even really seen violence before, have you? You’re like a fish out of water.”

“I’ve seen violence.” She said quietly. “I’ve seen raiders kill people right outside my house after they burned our fields.”

Crewe clenched his jaw and stared at her. He didn’t say anything for a while then he turned away and threw another rock. 

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

She shrugged, “I’m going to kill them some day. Then people won’t have to be afraid.”

He snorted, “me too.” 

“Is that why you’re here?” She wondered if she could take a guess at where he came from. She really wanted to know more about this boy. He was really interesting with his knife scars and fighting knowledge. “Did raiders hurt you, too?”

He stared then gave a strange laugh, “yeah. Raiders hurt me, too. Killed my sister.” 

Her mouth fell open. “I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t be. It is what it is. You didn’t do it, so don’t apologize.” He took a deep breath then forced a half smile, “besides… I have like five more sisters.” 

He stood up and offered her a hand.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****


	10. Lucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He pointed to the first boy who tried to grab Jess and asked, “if you ran into a wall made of dicks, how many would ya choke on?” 
> 
> They were all silent for a second then the girl and other boy laughed. Lucci tried really hard not to laugh. That was probably the most clever insult she’d ever heard. There was no way to answer it. 
> 
> The boy didn’t think it was so funny...  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Their weeks in the newbie barracks were starting to come to the end, but Lucci hardly noticed. All the days sort of blurred together until it felt like she’d been living in the barracks and training for years and this was life now. She started to get used to the place. Lucci realized one day that she couldn’t even really smell the stink of it as much as she did at first.

She was used to the sticky heat. Sharing the one little bathroom. The daily routines and her added routine of sneaking out to train with Crewe. The lack of sleep and rigorous physical training. Sore muscles and bruises. The people. 

The kids all got along much better toward the end, also. Sometimes they’d glare or call each other names, but nobody was fighting anymore at all. Because of that, Lucci had stopped being so afraid. She was still a little nervous at times when she couldn’t figure out if people were going to hurt her or tease her, but nothing ever really happened so she learned to relax more. Just a little. 

After the night she had confronted Crewe about stealing her already stolen treats, she had also become a little more confident and even found herself approaching people more easily. She had asked to join a card game one night and they let her play. She felt good about that, even though it was probably because Crewe was sitting with the kids that they let her join.

“You don’t know how to play?” Garcia sighed as she shuffled the cards. “I don’t really have the patience to teach you.”

“She’s my partner, I’ll deal with her.” Crewe shrugged. “I’m pretty sure I can teach her a thing or two.” 

He gave her a faint smile and she tried to keep from giggling at what he had said. 

“Suit yourself,” Garcia shrugged as she started dealing cards out. “Don’t be mad when you lose miserably because of the dead weight.” 

Crewe had given her a very quick crash course in the rules of the game, but Lucci was still really confused at how it was supposed to be played. She had always learned best by doing something rather than being told about it or reading about it, though, so she figured she’d maybe catch on quick. She didn’t want to be dead weight. She didn’t want to disappoint him. 

Lucci paid very close attention to how it went. Garcia and her partner, Dawson, didn’t think she could ever be good at this game. They kept teasing her every time it was her turn to play her cards. It made her mad. It made her want to prove them wrong and win just to make them shut their stupid mouths. 

The first game was painful. 

“S’ok.” Crewe shrugged and started shuffling for a new game. “That was just a practice round.”

Garcia scoffed, “okay, whatever.”

Lucci wanted to complain that she didn’t even know how the game worked yet, but she kept quiet. She’d learn. She already started doing better toward the end. Cribbage was a pretty easy game to learn, it seemed. She could do this. All she had to do, really, was make cards come to fifteen points. She wasn’t terrible at math. The trick, she supposed, was playing with a partner. 

“You wanna bet stuff?” Dawson said to Crewe as cards were dealt out. 

“Sure.” He shrugged. 

Jessy glanced at him and tried not to look like she was totally against the idea. Which she was. 

Garcia smirked, “losers have to give the winners some pogey bait.”

“What’s pogey bait?” Lucci asked before she could stop herself. 

“Treats. Sugar. Things they don’t normally ration us.” Garcia spoke casually. 

Jessy suddenly wondered why Garcia knew words like that. “Do you… Have family in the Brotherhood?” She asked carefully. 

“Yeah. I do. Two brothers.” Garcia shrugged as she took her turn and handed some cards over to her partner. 

Jessy started to get a little excited at that. She wanted to tell her that she had a brother… No. It wasn’t the same. She remained quiet instead of speaking about Joey. 

They only had time enough to finish that second game before lights and she was surprised that she won. Just barely. And only because of Crewe. 

“Sorry,” Lucci spoke quietly to him as they walked away.

“What the hell are you apologizing for?”

“I didn’t do very well…” She glanced down at the ground.

Crewe laughed, “we won, I get treats, I don’t care.” He paused and tapped her on the arm with the back of his hand, “besides, you did just fine. Better than most people I’ve ever played with for their first time.”

“Really?” She glanced up at him and prepared to hear some offhanded remark.

“Yep. We’ll stomp them really good next time.” He smiled.

Lucci looked up and smiled back at him. He wanted to play games with her again.

“You just gotta work on your shit talking skills.” 

“Shit talking--” She snapped her mouth closed and blinked at him. 

“Holy shit, you said a cuss word!” He laughed. “Watch it, mom and dad will wash your mouth out with soap for that!” He cuffed her hard on the arm then turned to his bunk and flopped down to sleep. 

She stared after him. 

“I’m not a child…” She whispered quietly as she went to her own bed. 

She _was_ a child. Well… Maybe not anymore. Her age didn’t matter in this place with these people. She couldn’t allow it to get in the way. She had to grow up really fast if she was going to keep pace with everyone else. 

Lucci stared up at the ceiling and whispered into the dark, “shit talking skills…” It felt strange to cuss since she’d never been allowed to. She smiled to herself. Those kids weren’t teasing her while they played cards… They had been _\--shit talking--_ to her. 

That changed everything.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - -

****

A couple days later the kids were graduating from the newbie barracks and, apparently, it was kind of a big deal. Jessy didn’t remember doing this for Joey, her parents never went to his graduation. She didn’t know this was even a thing until it was happening to her. She felt sad about that. She would have loved to go to his graduation.

There was cake. A real cake that someone had made. Family had come for many of the recruits and it was a celebration. 

Lucci stood in the back of the bailey of the citadel quietly. She knew her parents weren’t going to be there, but she really wished they would have been. She was proud of what she had accomplished. Some kids dropped out. They couldn’t make it through the training, but she did. Now only twenty-six kids stood around to make it to the next level. And she was one of them. She made it. 

She never quit or gave up. Even though sometimes she really thought about it. Sometimes she had cried at night when the lights were out. She missed her parents so much. She missed her friends from the farm and the life she had before. But here she stood and she was really proud of herself for being here right now. 

They all stood up on a dais in front of a crowd. The people were family members of the kids, for the most part, but there were also some Brotherhood soldiers in the mix. Maybe they were there just to fill empty space. Was it pity for the kids who didn’t have family? 

Lucci had no one. But she was still proud to be where she was. 

The kids stood in a line until their names were called then they went up in front of everyone to take their new tags. Lucci was excited. All of the kids were excited. She was going to get her real holotags and become an actual Brotherhood soldier. 

She watched as people were called before her and she tried to remember what she was instructed to do. Shake hands with the right hand, reach across and take the papers with the left, say thank you Sir, move on. Right hand. Shake with the right hand. She was a little nervous and afraid she’d mess it up somehow. 

“Jessica Ginevera Lucci.” Her name was called.

She strode forward, pretending to be as confident as she could, and took the Elder’s hand in her right. She did it correctly!

He took the holotags from the Paladin beside him. “Welcome to the Brotherhood of Steel, sister. Ad Victoriam.”

“Thank you, Sir. Ad victoriam.” She said back as he put the tags around her neck. She was so excited she felt sick. The crowd clapped as she walked to the other side of the dais. They were clapping for her. Jessy really wished her parents were there. _Was this how Joey felt?_ She was suddenly really sad that she hadn’t been there for him on this day.

After all the kids were done going through and getting their tags, there was a speech. Short. She was getting used to the military and their brevity and she found that she liked it. Nice and simple and to the point. Never too much talking.

Everyone stood up from their seats and clapped for the new soldiers. Lucci smiled brightly. She made it.

As she was walking off the dais to go nowhere in particular, someone stopped her. 

“Congratulations, sister.” 

She turned, “thanks… um…” She stared. It was Kat. Lucci suddenly smiled really big. She wanted to hug the woman. “Kat!” She tried to calm down. She couldn’t. 

Kat smiled at her and spread her arms and Jessy immediately hugged her tightly. It had been the first time she’d been able to really hug someone she sort of knew. Kind of. Her eyes got a little teary.

“You came to the graduation!” She couldn’t stop smiling.

“Of course!” Kat nearly giggled. “I knew you’d make it.”

“Thank you.” Jessy didn’t really know what to say. Kat had come to see her graduate… And she called her sister! She’d been there for her when her parents weren’t. There were no words for that sort of thing.

Kat gave her another hug. “I can’t stay long, we got a break, but I have to get back to it. I’ll see you around the Citadel though, now that you’re here.”

“Yes!” Lucci nodded, “thank you for coming… I’ll see you around.” She waved then stood there staring after Kat and smiling kind of stupidly. She couldn’t help it. There was someone here for her. 

Her smile faded a little as she turned around and saw kids with their parents and siblings. Even though Kat had been here for her, it wasn’t exactly the same. 

She wanted to tell her parents all the neat things she’d learned so far… Even if those things were combat related and stuff like that. They probably wouldn’t have liked to know that she learned how to kill people. 

She wanted her dad to hug her and tell her he was proud of what she’d accomplished so far. She wanted to tell her mom about her friends. Well… One friend. Crewe. 

More than any of that… She wished Joey were here. She wanted to tell him all about everyone and everything. He’d be able to relate. She wished she would have talked to him more before about what it was like being in the Brotherhood. He must have gone through similar things and probably would have enjoyed talking about it. Dad never let him talk about Brotherhood stuff in the house though.

She sighed and slowly made her way to the wall of the bailey to stand by herself. 

After a while, Crewe approached and handed her a plate then sat down against the wall. 

She took the plate of cake and sat down on the ground beside him. “Thanks.”

“Yup.” He grinned before eating his own little square of cake. 

“Your parents aren't here either?” She asked carefully. 

He gave an odd little laugh, “naw. For the better. You wouldn’t want my parents to be here. My family isn’t the best at social gatherings.” He eyed her, “where are yours?”

Lucci poked at her cake for a moment then took a small bite and shrugged, “I don’t have parents.”

He stared at her silently for a while then pointed his fork, “you see Romanov’s dad?” He laughed, “he makes a lot more sense now.”

She smiled, “yeah. That guy’s kinda scary.”

Crewe laughed, “kinda nuts is more like it.”

They ate in silence for a while as they watched the people. After some time, Lucci spoke quietly, “I wish my family was here.”

Crewe looked at her, “they are.” He motioned to the bailey full of people, “this is your family now. Like it or not.” He snorted. 

She smiled a little. “Twenty-five brothers and sisters I never asked for, half of them I don’t even want.”

“Exactly!” He laughed, “you don’t always get to choose your family. So look, I’m your brother, like it or not.” He reached over and poked her hard in the arm with his fork.

“Ow!” She smacked his hand away and glared.

“Just trying to make you feel more like family.” He smirked. 

“Thanks, I guess.” She remembered Joey. He used to tease her the exact same way, poking her with forks, pinching her, making her get angry and yell sometimes… Crewe was family.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - -

****

After most of the family members left or were shown to guest quarters, the new initiates had to clean up the bailey. Jessy was stacking chairs and watching some other kids sweeping the cement that had already been swept earlier. At least her job wasn’t stupid like that.

She remembered one night that Kells had them using large push brooms to sweep water away from the buildings and off the roof of the barracks… While it was still raining. Sometimes they had to do a lot of dumb things. Especially if they got in trouble.

“Hey… Kid.” Garcia spoke quietly as she touched Lucci’s shoulder from behind. 

“Yeah?” 

“I want to give you some advice.” Garcia seemed genuine. “When you get into the new barracks, those kids that are already there are going to haze you and push you to the bottom of the pecking order.” 

Lucci nodded in understanding, thought she had no idea what the girl was talking about, really. 

“You need to assert yourself or you’re going to end up at the bottom and get stuck there.” She continued. “Do not allow them to push you around.”

She fell silent after that so Lucci nodded, “okay. Thanks.” Then she wrinkled her nose a little, “why are you telling me this?”

Garcia shrugged, “I dunno. I guess I sort of see you as being a part of my team after all we’ve gone through together in the past weeks. I don’t want to see you get rolled.” 

That must have been why she was always so angry and fighty in the beginning. Garcia had been asserting herself in a new place. She wasn’t so bad. 

Jessy nodded again and smiled. She hadn’t thought the girl liked her at all. But they _were_ part of the same team. Like Crewe said, they were family. Maybe Garcia wasn’t a real friend, but she was a sister.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - -

****

They got their stuff back from receiving day and Jessica couldn’t have been happier. It was like getting a Christmas gift. She immediately opened the little green bag as soon as she was allowed to and pulled out Joey’s holotag.

Jess held it tight for a moment then held her own tags out from around her neck and compared them to the burned one. She smiled as she put them side by side. 

_\--Senior Knight Joseph Michael Lucci--_  
_\--Initiate Jessica Ginvera Lucci--_

The patches and stickers on her stuff all still said J. Lucci, but the holotags were neat. These were hers. This was her name stamped in steel. 

She put it back in the bag and started to take the teddy bear out, then glanced around at the others around her. Would they make fun of her for having a teddy bear? She looked in the bag and sighed quietly then closed it. She wasn’t ever going to get rid of the bear, but maybe she shouldn’t let other people see it. 

Lucci found herself in a barracks full of initiates who were from the last recruitment and only a few of the people she’d been with before. She wasn’t sure where the other people she knew had gone or why they’d been separated out like that. Maybe because there were so many.

What she did know… Is Crewe wasn’t with her in the new barracks. 

She was nervous and scared all over again without him. She felt almost like she did when she was just brand new. 

The new barracks were a lot bigger and nicer, but still kind of gross and hot. She didn’t even mind anymore. There were bunk beds in this one. She found herself on the bottom bunk almost at the end of the west row with Devlin above her. She didn’t know how to feel about that. On one hand, she was happy it was someone she sort of knew, on the other hand… Did it have to be _him_ of all people?

It could have been worse. It could have been Romanov. But he wasn’t in her barracks. Neither was Garcia. Again, she wondered where the other kids went. She wished she was with them. She wished she was with Crewe. 

She wanted to ask someone about it, but the old Initiates who had already been in this place all formed their own little groups and knew each other and Lucci didn’t know how to approach them. Especially not after what Garcia had told her about hazing and stuff. _Were they really going to be like that?_

The reason they put new initiates with old ones was so the old ones could _‘show the noobs the ropes’_ she heard it put. Something about giving them the opportunity to teach and lead by example.

Their new DI didn’t sleep with them in these barracks like Kells had done with the recruits. There were no Senior Knights here to watch them after lights. Lucci wondered how that would go. She really wished Crewe was with her… And she almost wished Kells was still her DI. It was kind of funny to think she wanted him there, but really she had no other DI to compare him to and she’d gotten used to him and how he was. 

She didn’t have to sit and try and figure out a way to approach the other kids for long, after a while they came to her. Three of them. 

She tried to keep in mind what Garcia told her. _Don’t let these kids push you around._

Lucci tried to remain relaxed on her bunk and look cool and calm. She’d seen Crewe do it a hundred times. _Do like he did._

One of the initiates came close to the bed and motioned down at Jess, “welcome to the racks…” She squinted to read Jessica’s patch, “Lucky.”

One of the other kids snorted, “I had a little dog named Lucky. Thing had one eye and three legs.”

“Not very lucky, was he?” the girl laughed. 

“Dunno,” the kid shrugged, “lived to be like a hundred fuckin’ years old so maybe he was.”

“It’s _loo-chi,_ ” she quietly sounded it out for them as she ran a finger under the name on her patch.

“Whatever. You’re _\--lucky--_ to be here.” She snorted and the other two laughed quietly. “How old are you, anyway?”

_Should she tell them?_

“She’s old enough to be here, so what’s it matter?” Devlin spoke from above her as he peered over the edge of his bunk. 

She glanced up at him and smiled. He was correct. Lucci looked back to the girl and nodded. 

“How can you even fire a rifle? The thing would weigh more than you do. The kick would knock you on your ass.” The girl persisted. “When they put a pack on you, do ya fall over like a turtle?” 

The three kids laughed. 

Devlin laughed. 

“I can carry a pack and shoot a rifle.” Jess glared. “Probably better than you.” She added quietly then regretted it immediately. 

The girl raised her eyebrows, “that so?” She crossed her arms and smiled, “we’ll see.” 

One of the boys stepped closer, “stand up, shorty. Wanna see if you even come up to my waist.”

Lucci stayed where she was. Not because she was being defiant or anything, but because she was suddenly worried why he wanted her to get out of the bunk. Also, she didn’t want to get made fun of for her small size anymore.

“C’mon, kid…” He reached a hand out to grab her.

Devlin hopped down off his bunk right in front of the boy, forcing him to move back a little. 

“She’s about waist high to a pissant.” Devlin said with some amusement and dared the kid to try and keep talking and call himself a _‘pissant’._

Lucci smiled with relief. 

Devlin actually wasn’t very tall, either. But he was really fighty. He acted like he was a lot bigger than he was. Lucci wished she could do that. _How did he do that?_ It reminded her of small dogs. They always acted bigger than they were. She used to think it was funny and that maybe they just had no idea how tiny and smashable they were.

The other boy in the group, who had been standing in the background laughing quietly at everything so far, stepped closer. 

Devlin didn’t back down, even though there were three of them. He turned sideways facing and spread his feet a little. Crewe had taught Lucci this. He was getting ready to fight. _Was she supposed to back him up?_

He pointed to the first boy who tried to grab Jess and asked, “if you ran into a wall made of dicks, how many would ya choke on?” 

They were all silent for a second then the girl and other boy laughed. Lucci tried really hard not to laugh. That was probably the most clever insult she’d ever heard. There was no way to answer it. 

The boy didn’t think it was so funny...  
  


**\- - - - - - - - - - -**

That night, because of Devlin, Lucci got her first lesson about _‘firewatch’._ Apparently, everyone had to do the firewatch thing at some point or other, but if kids messed up and got in trouble, more of them had to do it at one time. In full gear.

They had to dress out completely, helmet and all, and walk around in endless circles. Patrol. Some of them had to sit at a desk for a little while then take turns with the others walking around the grounds in the middle of the night. Sometimes they had to just stand in one spot the whole time and not move and that was the worst.

It was hot and boring and Jess was really tired. 

At least she wasn’t building human pyramids in the rain…  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****


	11. Fair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sir, allow me to deal with these two Initiates.” Kells cocked his chin. 
> 
> “By all means. Get them the fuck out of here.” The Paladin gave a shooing motion. “Hand out some fitting punishments.”
> 
> “Yes, Sir.” Kells grinned, “I’ll make them seriously rethink their decisions.”
> 
> Lucci stared at him. This was not going to be good at all.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Immediately, Lucci’s daily load was doubled. Turned out that Initiates went to school while also learning soldier stuff. Real school. They had classrooms and subjects and everything… Including homework. Lucci had gone to school and knew things like reading and math, but she realized maybe she was lucky… Most of the kids she had been in receiving with didn’t even know how to read.

She didn’t have much homework because she already knew how to do it. When she was sent back to the barracks with bookwork, she could finish it really quick. 

Although she wasn’t a big fan of school, she liked going to classes. Crewe was there. He was in her math class.

So was Garcia.

And Lucci sat right next to her. 

“This is bullshit.” Garcia growled quietly at her book as she tossed her pencil down angrily. “Why are we even learning math?”

Lucci glanced up from her own book and shrugged, “lots of things need math. I’m going to need a lot of math…”

“That so?” She snorted. “What the hell for?”

Lucci smiled, “I’m going to be a pilot.” 

The girl scoffed, “you’ll be whatever they tell you to be.”

Her smile faded a little. “No… I’m going into aviation.”

“No… You’re going wherever they put your ass.” Garcia pointed at her. “They watch you and see what you’re good at and where you’ll fit best and they’ll put you there. Period.” She smirked, “and you’re awfully short to be a pilot.”

Lucci frowned at her, “no I’m not. I’ve flown a vertibird before.”

Garcia laughed loud and the Senior Knight sitting up front at the desk glared at them. 

They went back to their books and after some time Garcia whispered, “so how do you like your barracks?”

“Nicer than before.” Lucci shrugged. The she furrowed her brow and leaned closer to the girl, “why’d some of us go to another place?”

Garcia smirked at her again, “they put you in there cuz you’re short.” 

“That’s stupid. That’s not why…” She thought about it. Devlin was short. Some other kids were taller, but they were really young. Garcia was almost seventeen. It suddenly occurred to her… They had put her in _‘baby barracks’._ That was why Paladin Gunny had been there watching them and writing stuff down that one day. They were sorting kids out and watching their abilities all the way back then. Lucci frowned down at her desk.

“Told you…” Garcia shrugged, “they put you where they want you and that’s where you go.”

“Where did you go?” Lucci glanced over her shoulder at Crewe in the back. Where did he go? She wanted to be with them.

“I went to the place where kids fit in power armor.”

“No way.” Lucci couldn’t believe they’d be learning that stuff already.

Garcia grinned smugly.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - 

****

During the time which was allocated for kids to do their homework, Lucci sat on her bunk doing nothing.

She glanced around the barracks. There was actually nothing keeping her in there. She was allowed to go out. She wasn’t a prisoner. 

Lucci decided to find out where Crewe was. 

She slid off the bunk and tried to walk with purpose. She’d been constantly working to keep up her fake personality of being confident ever since she arrived in the new place. It was really difficult. 

“Where ya going, Lucky?” Devlin said from the top bunk where he sat with his homework.

She wrinkled her nose at him, “stop calling me that.”

Telling him to stop only made him laugh and do it more… Right along with all the other kids in her barracks. 

He set his stuff to the side and hopped down. He stretched a little and grinned, “could do with a break.” 

She quietly sighed and turned away from him. That was exactly what she needed… Devlin following her around. 

“You need to do your schoolwork.” She said quietly as he opened the door for her.

“It ain’t going anywhere… What are they going to do? Flunk me out of killing people?”

“They’ll…” She paused. What _would_ they do? “Well I’m sure they’ll do something about it.” 

He snorted, “guess we’ll find out.” He motioned to nothing in particular, “so… Where are we going?”

Lucci sighed. She gave up. There was no way to get rid of him. “I want to see where the other kids went and what they’re doing.”  
  


**\- - - - - - - - -**

“Oh yeah… That looks fun. But only not at all.” Devlin snorted as they watched the other kids drilling out in the bailey. “I think we got the better end of the shit stick. That homework is looking real good now.”

“No.” Lucci wrinkled her nose, “this isn’t fair. They’re getting more training than us just because they’re bigger and older.”

Devlin shrugged, “we’ll be right where they are probably next year.”

She turned to him, “no. That will just put us behind in all that training they get and we don’t.”

“So?”

She started to get irritated at why he couldn’t see why this wasn’t right. “This is bullshit.” Lucci suddenly closed her mouth and lowered her voice to correct the swear, “this isn’t fair.” Why even allow ten year old kids to join up if they couldn’t do all the training?

Devlin stared at her for a moment. “What’s it matter? We’re here for life. There’ll be plenty of time to learn this shit and go kill people or get shot in the name of--”

“I want to do _that._ I don’t want to learn to do math and reading I already know for a year.” She felt a lump in her throat. Lucci swallowed it down. The last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of Devlin… Especially over something so stupid. But she was really upset. She didn’t want to stay where she was and do meaningless schoolwork for years or get stuck in a position she hated because she was small.

He didn’t say anything. She took a breath and looked down at her feet and started fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. He probably thought she was really dumb. Maybe she _did_ deserve to be in the baby barracks if she was going to cry about how things worked.

“Okay.” He said quietly. 

She looked up at him and he was smiling. 

“We can do this shit if you want.” He set a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t have to cry about it.”

“I’m not.” She couldn’t hold back the sniffle. Her eyes were wet. Lucci looked away from him and wiped her eyes. Then she turned back to him.

“We?”

“Yes.” Devlin grinned, “we.” When she started blinking stupidly at him he shrugged, “I mean… You more than me, but I’ll hang out.”

She looked him up and down. This was definitely a new side of Devlin. “That’s… Nice of you… But they won’t let us.”

He looked around and spread his hands, “don’t see anyone stopping us.”

“No… But we aren’t…” She rubbed her head then pointed to the soldiers in the bailey, “we aren’t allowed in their ranks and stuff... “

Devlin watched the Initiates for a moment then shrugged, “we can do what they’re doing right here. Nobody can tell us not to.” He grinned, “what are they gunna do? Make us stop soldiering?”

She smiled. Then let out a little laugh.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - 

****

Every evening for over a week, Lucci and Devlin went to the bailey for the tail end of the other Initiates’ training lessons. They would listen to their DI instruct them how to do something, then the pair of them would try and do the things. Sometimes their lessons were about stuff they’d encounter in the field and Lucci listened intently. She took in everything.

Devlin was actually a big help… And nicer than she had thought he was at first. He was kind of lazy, but when she urged him to do the work with her, he’d do it without too much complaining. He always helped her when she needed him to. But his school work was suffering for it… So she she tried her best to help him with that.

And he needed a lot of help. He couldn’t read. Not being able to read made all his other school work really hard for him, so she started with that. She had no idea how to teach a person to read, the kids who couldn’t weren’t in the same reading class as the kids who could. But she tried. 

Sometimes she would get frustrated and just do some of his work for him. She tried to write like he did, which was easiest if she put the pencil in her other hand. She found it was kind of easy to copy the way he wrote, even though it looked like a half-dead bloatfly wrote it. 

Lucci was conflicted about doing his work for him, but she didn’t want him to get in trouble and stop being able to come with her. Plus it was kind of her fault he was skipping out on the homework, anyway. 

One night, after she finished his math for him, they went out to do their routine training… And someone _did_ try to stop them from soldiering. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, kid?” Paladin Gunny stood over her and Devlin, glaring angrily. 

He’d caught them both, but it seemed like he was only yelling at her.

“Nothing, Sir…” She didn’t even know what to say. She stood at attention staring straight ahead… Right at the other Initiates which the Paladin had stopped and made stand there. They were all staring at her. 

“We have free time, Sir,” Devlin spoke up.

“There’s no such thing as free time, Initiate!” Gunny yelled loud so everyone could hear. “If you find yourself with time on your hands to be goofing off and interrupting training, then you’re doing it wrong!” 

“Yes, Sir.” They both spoke loud. The only real reason the training was interrupted was because the Paladin saw them and stopped what he was doing. They weren’t in the way.

“Do I need to find you two something to do with all this spare time you have?” 

Lucci clenched her teeth. How was she supposed to answer that? They weren’t doing anything wrong and now they were going to be punished for it. It wasn’t fair. It really was bullshit. 

“What’s the problem, Sir?” Someone spoke from behind.

Lucci cringed. She glanced out of the corner of her eye and saw Kells standing there with a group of Knights who he had been marching… And all stopped and were now staring.

She wanted to curl up and die. 

The Paladin motioned to them, “these two children have been interrupting my training for nearly two weeks now.” He grumbled, “they have too much free damn time on their hands. They ought to be learning instead of goofing off and I don’t have time to deal with someone else’s Initiates.”

Lucci opened her mouth to say something then closed it again and tightened her fists. 

“That so…” Kells said as he looked the pair up and down. He narrowed his eyes a little, then looked over across the bailey at the Initiates at attention. Then he looked back to Lucci. “Are you being a disruption?” 

She looked at the Paladin. What was she supposed to say? 

He leaned closer and she knew he was about to yell so she preemptively blurted out, “no, Sir. We were not.”

Kells turned to Devlin. “What the hell were you doing?”

“Training, Sir… Sort of.”

He looked back to the Initiates, then to Lucci. “Extracurricular learning?”

“Yes, Sir.” She felt a little relief. That’s exactly what it was. There was nothing wrong with that… Or there shouldn’t be, anyway. 

Kells turned to the Paladin and nodded, “I can see how they’d be in the way.”

Lucci’s eyes widened a little. Kells just said an offhand remark to a superior. 

“It’s dangerous for these two to be trying to do these things without proper supervision.” Gunny crossed his arms and glowered at the pair.

Kells shook his head, “and they’re only getting parts of it. That’s no good.” 

“Absolutely.” The Paladin nodded in agreement. 

“Sir, allow me to deal with these two Initiates.” Kells cocked his chin. 

“By all means. Get them the fuck out of here.” The Paladin gave a shooing motion. “Hand out some fitting punishments.”

“Yes, Sir.” Kells grinned, “I’ll make them seriously rethink their decisions.”

Lucci stared at him. This was not going to be good at all.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - 

****

Kells sent Devlin back to the barracks without even punishing him. Lucci remained shadowing the man right to an office. She stood at attention wondering why Devlin got to go back and she didn’t. That really wasn’t fair. But another part of her was happy for it. She didn’t want him to get in trouble. This whole thing was her fault.

She had been thinking of how to take all the blame so Devlin wouldn’t get in trouble, but this seemed to work out. 

But she was still terrified. 

Lucci wanted to speak out and defend herself. She wasn’t doing anything wrong. She didn’t interrupt the training. 

Kells sat down behind the desk stared at her in silence for nearly a full minute. 

“Initiative,” he began, “is a very admirable trait.” 

He was silent again so she spoke quietly, “yes, Sir.”

“I applaud that sort of behavior.” He folded his hands on the desk and smiled. “At ease.”

She couldn’t help smiling a little in return as she relaxed into parade rest.

“I couldn’t help but notice you out there in the bailey every evening without fail.”

Lucci stared at him. “You saw me?”

“I see everything.” 

She nodded. That man really did see everything.

After a moment of more silence he cocked his chin, “I know what you’ve been up to.” Kells raised an eyebrow and added, “with Crewe.”

Lucci’s hands dropped from behind her back, “I’m sorry… I didn’t slack off… I did the other stuff, too…”

“I know.” He stopped her from rambling. “That’s why I allowed it to continue.”

She put her hands behind her back again and nodded. All that time… He knew. 

“I like it when a soldier can think outside the box and take initiative like that. Shows a lot about who you are and your spirit. You gave up sleep so you could better yourself.” 

“I just… I was behind in some things…” She glanced down at the floor.

“Yes. You were. But you did what needed to be done to correct it.” Kells smiled again, “just as you were doing out in the bailey.”

“It’s not fair.” She started to complain then closed her mouth. 

“What’s not fair? Life?” Kells leaned back in his chair. 

“No… Just… Those other kids are doing that other stuff and I’m not allowed to just because I’m small… That’s not fair. I can do that stuff, too.” A lump rose in her throat again. “We were all together in the old barracks and they get to…” She trailed off and took a breath to calm down. 

“You can’t fit in power armor. There are some things you just can’t change the facts of.” 

“I know…” She nearly pouted. “But I can do the other stuff just fine.”

He eyed her for a very long moment. 

“I noticed your grades.” He suddenly changed the subject.

“Um…” Lucci blinked at him, “they’re good.”

“Yes. They are.” 

“I’m not cheating.” She thought about how she’d been doing Devlin’s homework.

“I know.” He fell silent again and it made her really uncomfortable. 

After a moment he asked quietly, “do you believe that you can keep them that good while missing out on your homework?”

She nodded immediately, “yes, Sir.”

“You want to do what those other kids are doing?” 

“Yes, Sir. I can do it.”

Kells stared at her for a while before giving a curt nod and pulling a long paper from the desk drawer. He started writing on it as she stood there wondering about a million things. 

He turned it around on the desk and held the pen out to her, “sign this.”

Lucci took the pen and looked down at the paper. She didn’t quite understand what it was saying, but she signed her name on it, anyway.

Kells looked the paper over, then folded it in three and stuffed it in an envelope. “I don’t have the say so around here to get anything done,” he pointed the envelope at her, “but I’ll see what I can do.”

She smiled brightly, “thank you, Sir!” She wanted to hug him. 

“Don’t thank me just yet. This isn’t something anyone’s ever done before, so I’m going to need you to to keep it just between us.” He snorted at the envelope, “and you’re going to be miserable.”

“No I won’t.” She couldn’t stop smiling, “I’ll be happy. I’ll do really good, I promise.”

Kells laughed, “we’ll see.” He looked her up and down for a moment then shooed her away, “dismissed.”  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - 

****

Turns out they _did_ get punishments for what they’d done. Lucci and Devlin were sent to the kitchen whenever they were found having ‘free time’. That meant mostly Lucci had to do the punishments while Devlin had to actually do his own homework. That was crap. She was essentially being punished for doing good in school.

Lucci started taking more time on her work in class so she would have more to do in the barracks with homework. She still always ended up finishing early and having to go to the kitchen to prepare food and clean stuff. 

Devlin told her it was just to keep them away from Gunny so he wouldn’t get mad, but it was still punishment that they didn’t even deserve. 

One day while working in the kitchen, she saw Crewe. 

He was peeling tatoes in the back room. She smiled as she sat down next to him and picked up a knife. 

“What are you doing here?” She pulled a bucket close and started peeling.

“This is where all the cool kids hang out.” He shrugged. 

Lucci glanced down at the bucket then the tato in her hand. “Um… No.”

She was about to ask him again why he was there and he cut her off, “this why you stopped hanging out in the bailey? Peeling tatoes more fun?”

She sighed, “Gunny was really mad.”

He snorted, “yeah he was!” He dropped a tato in the bucket and grabbed another, “good. Guy’s an ass.” 

Lucci eyed him, “that why you’re here?”

“Turns out he doesn’t like my sense of humor. Or any humor at all, for that matter.”

She wanted to ask what happened, but it was clear Crewe didn’t want to tell her. She was happy he was there, even if it did mean he was in trouble. 

After a while she asked, “what kind of stuff do you guys learn?”

He shrugged, “you saw it.”

“I saw some of it…”

“I dunno. We’ve been learning about turrets and munitions like rocket launchers… Grenades.” He glanced up at the ceiling in thought then smiled, “that part’s kinda fun.”

“Are you using power armor?” 

He shrugged again and dropped another tato in the bucket, “not really. We will, but right now we’re just learning a shit ton about it. Got to try it on once, but haven’t done anything yet.”

Garcia was lying. Well, sort of. She made it sound like that’s all they did. Lucci smiled a little. If they weren’t in power armor a bunch, that meant they were doing things she could do. She wondered whatever became of that paper she signed. She hadn’t heard anything about it for over a week. It was like it never even happened. She wondered if she should find Kells and ask him about it… But then again she didn’t want to press the issue. It was amazing that he was even trying to do something for her. 

“Tell me something you learned.” She smiled at him as she picked up another tato.

“Something I learned?” He thought about it for a moment, “like what?”

“I don’t know… Tell me about grenades?” He seemed to be excited about that part so he’d probably know more on the topic.

Crewe smiled, “we play this game where someone will randomly throw a painted rock and yell ‘grenade!’ and we have to jump on it or kick it away or something. Trying to get us to learn to react really quick.”

“You jump on it?” She frowned, “you’d die.”

“Yeah…” He thought about it, “but you’d also save everyone around you. They don’t want people to hesitate in the actual situation.”

Lucci blinked, “you’d die…” She said again. 

“Half the shit we do is to beat thoughtless reactions into our heads like that, you know? Act without thought to save the majority.” He snorted, “be a hero or whatever.”

She wondered if that’s how it ended for Joey. He just did what needed to be done without thinking about it and died saving other people. 

“I’m going to be a hero one day.” She said quietly.

“Gunna jump on a grenade?”

Lucci shrugged, “i don’t know… Whatever I have to do.” 

“Huh. Bold. I’m not dying for any of these people, that’s for sure.” 

She stared at him. “Why are you here?”

“Why are _you_ here?” He turned it around.

“No, I asked you first. I’ve said why I’m here.” 

He stared at her and she stared right back. 

Finally he looked away and shrugged, “cuz my life was shit.”

“You’re here just because you had a crappy life at home?” She wrinkled her nose. How bad could it be to make someone want to join the military to get away? He didn’t seem to really want to be there sometimes and he didn’t really care about other people or being a hero. 

“Yep. This is actually a lot better.”

Lucci tilted her head and pointed her knife at him, “your scars…”

“Came from my family.” He gave her an unsettling level stare that made her look away. He adjusted himself in his seat and looked down at his arms where the light silvery lines were on his skin. “We used to knife fight for fun.”

She looked up at him, “oh… No wonder…” Everything made sense. Well, that part anyway.

“No wonder I know how to teach a scrub how to handle herself with a knife?” He grinned. 

“I’m not a scrub.” She scowled at him. “But yes. You’re really good at teaching things…”

“Yeah. I am.” Crewe looked down into his bucket quietly. “I’ve taught a lot of people a lot of things.”

“Like how to knife fight… And fist fight…” She smiled. He was amazing. 

He nodded and continued to look in the bucket. “And how to shoot a pistol… And how to hurt other people…” Crewe glanced up at her with another look that made her smile vanish. 

She wanted to ask him if he had ever killed someone before… But she was afraid she knew the answer. 

He glanced around the empty room and lowered his voice to a near whisper, “I lived with raiders.” 

Lucci’s eyes widened. “Did they kidnap you?” They did that sometimes.

Crewe shook his head, “no…” Then he was quiet as he stared at her. 

She just stared wide eyed right back at him. 

“I was born there…” He sighed and threw his half peeled tato and knife down into the bucket and put his head in his hands.

Lucci suddenly remembered the night they were talking behind the DFAC. She had apologized for something and he said not to apologize because she didn’t do the thing… But he had apologized to her when she said raiders burned her crops and killed people in the streets. He was apologizing because he did the thing. 

“You…” She finally found her voice, “you’re a raider?”

Crewe shook his head in his hands, “no. I _was_ …” He looked up at her, “I was. I don’t want to be… I’m here…” He sighed again and sat back in his chair. “I’m not anymore… I’m a soldier.” 

She was still staring at him. She couldn’t help it. 

“Look, Lucci…” He ran a hand over his shaved head, “I’m really sorry. You have no idea how fucking sorry I am.”

“Did you burn my field?” 

“I don’t fucking know. I’ve… Been a part of shit like that before. Maybe it wasn’t _your_ farm, but I’m still so fucking sorry for it.” 

She felt like crying, but she was also angry for some reason. “Is that why you’ve been nice to me?”

He clenched his jaw so tightly she could see the muscles in his face tighten. 

“You were nice to me… Because you found out I’m from a farm… And you felt bad?” 

After a moment he threw his hands up, “yeah.” 

“You meant what you said about wanting to kill raiders, though… Didn’t you?” 

“I’m trying to atone.” He shook his head, “doesn’t mean I don’t genuinely like you.”

After a long moment she spoke quietly, “I like you too.”

“Still?” He raised an eyebrow at her. 

“Yes. Still.” 

“You aren’t scared of me?” 

Lucci didn’t say anything. She didn’t know how to answer. She _was_ scared of him now. Not a lot, but she was scared. 

He looked up at the ceiling, “please don’t tell anyone.” 

“I won’t.” Who would she even tell? Crewe was her only friend. 

“Promise? If people found out…They’d kill me.” He looked at her with soft pleading in his wet eyes. 

“I promise… I won’t tell anyone ever.” She forced herself to smile. 

The look on his face made her want to hug him, but, again, she was a little scared of the boy. But if he had wanted to hurt her… He would have already. Any of those times they were training. The night he had a knife. And he had just shared a huge secret with her. He was right… If people knew, they’d probably kill him. No… _Definitely_ kill him. And he trusted her enough to tell her.

“Crewe…” 

“Tristan.”

She blinked at him.

“My name is Tristan.”

She blinked again. She suddenly laughed a little. All this time being friends with this boy and she never even knew his first name. 

“Jessy.” This was weird. It was like meeting someone for the very first time. And she kind of was. He was suddenly a whole new person to her. 

He gave a little half smile and cleared his throat, “so… About that shit we’re learning…” He pulled his knife and the half peeled tato from his bucket and sat back in the chair. “What else you wanna know?”  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****


	12. Act Like It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He glared, “Lucci…”
> 
> “You can’t… You said yourself… You’re a soldier now.” She poked a finger against his arm, “act like it.” 
> 
> He blinked at her, glanced down at his pocket, then suddenly stood up. 
> 
> She stood with him. “Tristan… Please…”
> 
> He continued to glare at her for a moment, then turned around and walked away without saying anything.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

“Sorry ya got in trouble.” Devlin said as he sat down against a wall beside Lucci.

She turned her head to him and sighed, “no, I’m sorry _you_ got in trouble.” 

He shrugged.

Lucci glanced around the ramparts then back down at the boy, “speaking of getting in trouble… You aren’t supposed to be sitting down on firewatch.” She wrinkled her nose, “you aren’t even supposed to be in this section right now.”

“My sec was boring.” He grinned up at her and made no motion to stand back up.

“It’s not supposed to be fun, Devlin.”

“Why not?” He continued to grin. When she didn’t say anything he shrugged again, “why can’t it be both things?”

She really wanted to argue with him, but she didn’t even know where to begin. 

When that boy decided to follow her around somewhere, there was never anything she could do to make him go away. But that was okay… She liked him being there. Better than standing in one spot forever on the ramparts all alone.

After a while, Lucci asked quietly, “how old are you?”

He shrugged, “how old do I look?”

She eyed him. “I don’t know… You look my age.”

“Sounds good.” He grinned.

Lucci blinked. “Well it _isn’t_ good. People keep treating me like I’m a baby. How old are you?”

“I don’t know. Doesn’t matter.” He kept smiling his stupid permanent grin.

Devlin was so irritating. 

“How can you not know how old you are?” She furrowed her brow down at the boy.

He chuckled, “not something I keep track of, I guess. I’m older than you though.”

Lucci had no idea what to say about that. How can a person not keep track of their age? 

She thought about it for a while, but it was really confusing so she asked another question, “what’s your first name?” She smiled a little thinking about Tristan.

The boy shrugged again, “Devlin.”

“You can’t be serious. What’s really your name? Mine’s Jessy.” 

“Devlin.” The look on his face turned serious for a change. 

“Your first name and last name are both Devlin?” Lucci snorted. His patches said D. Devlin… But he had to be joking.

He shook his head, “no, I just have the one name.” He saw her staring at his patch so he smoothed a hand over it and laughed, “they didn’t know how to deal with it so…” He glanced down at his patch then back up to her face.

They stared at one another for a long moment and he lowered his voice, “I don’t remember my last name. Or my first name, or whatever name isn’t Devlin. Sounds like a first name though, I think...” He grinned again. “If you wanna call me something else, sometimes my friends called me Dev.” He pulled his tags out from under his shirt and wrinkled his nose at them, “it’s what my paperwork says, I think.”

“Dev Devlin?” She blinked at him then laughed. She couldn’t help it. This was so ridiculous.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucci sat with Devlin… _Dev_ … Whenever she ate. He followed her everywhere. She never told him to go away, though. Even if she wanted him to, he wouldn’t. But she liked having someone around. Even if he was really irritating sometimes. He could be really funny and almost always got her to laugh.

They had been picking at their food a little longer than usual so they wouldn’t have to go do meaningless tasks elsewhere. 

“I keep seeing that boy…” Lucci said quietly as she motioned with her fork, “he takes food then leaves with it.”

Dev shrugged. 

Garcia sat down just as Lucci spoke and she replied, “he’s special.”

“Special?” Lucci eyed her. 

“Yeah.” She didn’t say anything else as she started eating.

Lucci stared at her for a moment wondering why the heck the girl was sitting next to her. 

She wanted to make some sort of small talk with Garcia, it seemed like the thing to do, so Lucci pointed to the boy again as he was walking away with a Paladin, “why’s he special?”

The girl shrugged, “that’s Arthur Maxson. He’s… A Maxson. He can’t be bothered to grace us with his divine fucking presence.”

Lucci blinked at her. “What?”

Garcia sighed, “do you know anything about the Brotherhood?”

Devlin leaned close to Lucci and grinned, “he’s a prince.”

“He’s not a fucking prince.” Garcia glared. “He’s just a kid. He’s the same age as little miss bumpkin.”

“A prince?” She couldn’t help herself. That sounded really neat. Something out of a fable.

“His father was a big deal.” Garcia shrugged, “and so was his father. Roger Maxson founded the Brotherhood.” She glared after the boy as he left with the Paladin. “Doesn’t make him a prince just because he has a fancy ass last name.”

Devlin poked at his food, “pretty sure that’s how a Monarchy works… A boy is a prince because he has a fancy ass last name.”

Lucci blinked at Dev for a moment. He could be really smart sometimes. In a really offhand way.

The older girl rolled her eyes and continued eating. 

“What’s your first name?” Lucci smiled at her. Ever since Tristan, she’d been really interested to learn people’s names. 

The girl blinked at her for a moment then spoke quietly, “Veronica.” She stared silently for a few seconds then narrowed her eyes, “why?”

Lucci smiled brightly, “my name’s Jessy.”

Devlin grinned, “but everyone calls her Lucky.”

Jess sighed. “Only you call me that.”

“And everyone else.” He shrugged. He thought it was funny just because it annoyed her. 

“Lucky?” Garcia snorted. “Sounds like something I’d name a dog.”

Jessy glared at Devlin, which only made him laugh. Then Garcia laughed right along with him. 

She was never going to escape that awful nickname at this rate. 

“Lucci.” A voice sounded from behind her. 

She turned around and saw Kells standing there so she stood up from the table, “Sir.” 

He smiled faintly and handed her a paper. “You’ve been restationed… Of a sort.”

She took the paper and frowed a little, “restationed?”

The other two stood up beside her to acknowledge the Officer's presence and took sidelong glances at the paper as Lucci unfolded it to read. 

It didn’t make much sense to her, just like it didn't back when she signed it. She glanced up at Kells, “Sir?”

His smile grew, “the military can move slow as shit sometimes, but I managed to get the proper sigs on your rec.”

She looked at the paper again. There at the bottom were the two signatures her request needed. Some officer she didn’t know… And Paladin Kells. 

_Paladin._

She looked back up at him and gasped quietly. 

He had a new rank. 

Kells was now a Paladin. 

“You…” She didn’t even know what to say. “Congratulations, Sir.” That seemed appropriate. 

“Thank you, Initiate.” He smiled. 

She was actually proud of him. He was amazing. Lucci started out afraid of him, but as she had spent weeks with the man, she had come to discover that he was actually very compassionate and caring. In a weird way. He reminded Jessy of her father sometimes. Kells was still pretty scary at times when he disciplined people… But she was overall proud that he had become a Paladin. 

Again, she wanted to hug him. 

He had become a Paladin and signed her paperwork because she needed a Paladin’s signature. That’s why it took so long. He didn’t forget about her. 

“Sir?” Garcia questioned.

“Lucci will be joining your training.” He smiled, “parts of it. So I strongly suggest you accomodate.” 

And with that, the man turned on his heel and left without saying anything else about it.

Lucci stared at the paper. 

“Wow…” Devlin snorted, “I was calling you Lucky because it was funny… But you really _are_ a lucky fuck…”

She read the page three times. It said something along the lines of accompanying the group of older soldiers for parts of their training at specific times. More school hours. Training hours. But she could definitely find the time for that stuff because she already knew everything her regular classes taught. She smiled. 

Garcia took the paper from her to read it for herself.

“How the hell…” She scanned it several times over.

“I can do all the stuff you guys do…” Lucci stood up tall. 

Garcia eyed her then shoved the paper back into her hands. “You won’t like it. Gunny is an asshole.”

Lucci snorted a little laugh as she remembered what Crewe had said, “yeah… I heard that… But that’s okay. I can do it.”  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Not only was Gunny an asshole… He was really angry that Lucci was a part of his training.

It seemed like he wanted to work really hard to make her leave… That only made her want to prove herself more. She really didn’t want to disappoint Kells. 

He never explained anything to her. He went on teaching the entire class as he had been and pretended like Lucci knew it all already. Crewe had told her a lot, but not everything and they’d been going over second or third parts of lessons those kids had learned.

She was immediately overwhelmed.

She had to work extra hard to take in everything he said then go back to her barracks at night and try to figure it all out on her own. She went to the library to get books, but she didn’t even know what books to get. 

Lucci eventually found herself in the other kids’ barracks. 

She stood in the doorway silently watching them as they milled about. 

Some of them were playing cards together and she found Crewe with them, so she approached their little table. 

And then she reverted back to little Jessy back in the trade square waiting silently to be invited to a game. 

“Lucky.” It didn't take long before someone acknowledged her. 

It was Crewe. 

And he called her _‘Lucky’._ Of all the stupid things. She was going to have to kill Devlin later.

She smiled and gave a little wave. He was sitting with a lot of people she didn’t know at all. 

He waved her over anyway so she went and sat carefully beside him, unsure of what to do. 

He pointed out the people at the table, “this is Johnson, Hopkins, Garrett, and you know Romanov…” 

Romanov grinned at Jess and she immediately stared down at her feet to avoid him. 

She had no idea why she was even there. What she wanted, she guessed, was to find Tristan. Well… She found him. She was hoping he could teach her some things and work with her on Gunny’s classes… But he seemed more happy to be playing cards… So she pretended to be happy about it, too. 

Garcia had told her to assert herself and she’d been practicing that a lot in her own barracks… But these kids were all older than her… Some by a lot. 

Not only was Lucci really young… But she looked even younger. She was so tiny. Lucci worked to sit up straight at the table and pretend to be confidant. She tried to act more like Devlin. He seemed to have no idea how small he was. 

It was really difficult. 

“We’re playing poker, kid…” Romanov smirked at her. 

“I can play poker.” Lucci tried to be confident, but she found herself looking at Crewe expectantly. He taught her how to play cribbage… But not poker. 

Tristan smiled at her then to the rest of the group, “she’s cool.”

And with that… They dealt her a hand. 

She had no clue how to play the game. 

After she had messed up three times in a row, the girl, Hopkins, leaned closer to her and whispered, “you have no idea what you're doing… Do you?”

Jessy didn’t know what she was supposed to say. She looked at Crewe then back to the girl. She shrugged, “I’m learning…” 

The older girl eyed her for a moment then gave her a card from the packaging. 

The card had rules on it. Sort of. It said which types of cards beat others. Jessy smiled at the girl. This would be helpful. 

Lucci glanced down at the little packaging card in her lap and called their bet. They were playing with ‘markers’. She didn't fully understand them outside of being sort of an I.O.U., but they didn't seem to care so she happily played along. That’s what Crewe did… So that’s what she did. 

She won. 

And then she won again. 

Then she won a few more times and Romanov started glaring at her. 

“This why you’re called Lucky now?” He snorted as he handed over a pile of the I.O.U markers. 

Crewe smirked at him and replied for her, “yup. Don’t get all butt-hurt she kicked your ass.”

Lucci stared at them and shook her head, “I didn’t kick anyone’s ass…” She took a breath and corrected, “butt.”

Hopkins laughed, “beginner’s luck, that’s all.” She pointed at her, “next time… We’ll get it back.”

“Next time?” Lucci stared at her then looked at Crewe. 

He nodded, “oh yeah. You can't just take everyone's money and not come back… Bad form.” He snorted and Romanov actually chuckled with him. 

Lucci smiled. 

After their game had broken up, she approached Crewe. It was late, but she was hopeful. 

“Hey… Tristan…” She used his first name hoping it would be more friendly. 

He smiled down at her.

“I um…” She glanced around the barracks tro make sure nobody heard her, “I need help…”

“No shit.” He snorted.

She stared up at him expectantly until he sighed, “what?”

“Please?” She smiled at him. “I’ll give you cakes…” She added. 

“I don't need your cakes…” He pointed at her, “but I’ll take them anyway. You just won enough money to buy about ten… I’ll take half.”

“What?” She looked down at her pocket where all the I.O.U. markers were.

He just laughed and held a hand out toward the door for her to go.

“So… You looking for me to kick your ass with a knife some more?” Crewe smirked at her as they walked together.

“Ah… No. Thank you though.” Jessy smiled, “I think.” The tan skin on her arm still had a light line across it where he had cut her months ago.

He chuckled and shook his head, “advanced training?”

Lucci smiled big and nodded at him, “yes… Please…”

The things Gunny had been teaching went well over her head sometimes. She thought she’d be okay in their classes after practicing what they were doing in the bailey with Dev and talking with Crewe in the kitchen, but it turned out he had been teaching them a lot of stuff she wasn’t ready for. 

Tistan shrugged, “crash course, then.” 

She frowned a little, “crash course?”

He grinned.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - - - -**

Lucci slumped down against the wall of the bailey and rubbed her thigh.

“You don’t have to be so mean…” She frowned at Crewe.

“What would you learn if I was nice?”

Her frown deepened. He actually had a point. Lucci thought back to the times where he had cut her with the knife. If it had been taught any other way, she would have probably taken forever to get it. She had always learned best by doing a thing. Living it. 

Crewe was actually an amazing teacher. 

She suddenly smiled at him.

“What?” He narrowed his eyes a little as he sat down beside her.

“You’ll be a really great Paladin one day. Or even better.” Her proud smile couldn’t have gotten any bigger. He really was amazing, even if he was a raider.

He rolled his eyes, “I don’t wanna be a Paladin.”

She stared.

“I just want…” He spoke quietly then trailed off and looked away. “I dunno. But I don’t want to be a Paladin.”

Lucci was confused all over again. _Why wouldn’t he want to be a Paladin?_ That would be awesome! She wanted to be a Paladin. Well, if she wasn’t going to be a pilot. Which she was definitely going to be.

He seemed a little upset so she tried to change the subject, “thanks for the help… Again.”

He turned his head to her then suddenly cracked a smile, “yep. You owe me five cakes. I want them this time.”

She laughed and he laughed with her. 

Lucci would have to figure out a way to steal him some cakes now. Or maybe Garcia would take the I.O.U. markers. 

She rubbed her thigh again. He’d bruised her pretty good this time. She was starting to get used to the aches and pains… But this one really hurt. 

After a long moment of silence, Crewe glanced around the dark moonlit bailey then dug in his pocket and handed her something.

He smiled faintly, “for the pain.”

She stared down at his hand. 

“Tristan…” Her eyes shot up to his face, “that’s… Chems…” 

They stared at one another for a long moment until she broke the awkward silence, “where did you get that?”

He shrugged and continued to hold it out to her, “you can get anything you want… If you know where to look…” He smiled.

“Tristan…” She said again. 

“What?” He seemed genuinely confused. 

Lucci lowered her voice to a whisper even though there was nobody around, “you can’t do chems!”

He blinked at her. 

“Tristan!” She hissed.

He looked down at the jet canister then back to her face, “why not?”

She stared wide eyed at him.

“For fuck’s sake…” He pulled the jet back and returned it to his pocket, “are you serious?”

“If anyone finds out you’ll be…” She whispered again, “kicked out…”

He stared at her for a moment then sighed, “Lucci… I’ve been using chems since I was a little kid…”

“You’ll be kicked out!” She said again. She really didn't want him to be kicked out. He was probably her best and only friend in the entire Brotherhood. And she didn’t want him using chems. She really worried for him.

He glared, “Lucci…”

“You can’t… You said yourself… You’re a soldier now.” She poked a finger against his arm, “act like it.” 

He blinked at her, glanced down at his pocket, then suddenly stood up. 

She stood with him. “Tristan… Please…”

He continued to glare at her for a moment, then turned around and walked away without saying anything.  
  
  
  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

**Author's Note:**

>  
> 
> [ _**Learning to Fly - Pink Floyd** _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVhNCTH8pDs)  
> 


End file.
